(A scam artist calls my house. I answer.)

Scammer: “There is a problem with your computer.”

Me: “Which one?”

Scammer: “Actually, this is a routine check-up. I’m getting a notification that there is a problem with your computer.”

Me: “Which computer?”

Scammer: “Actually, it’s a problem with your Internet. Whenever you log in to the Internet or check your email, it downloads a virus.”

Me: “That’s horrible!”

Scammer: “This is what we need to do…”

(I cut him off, sounding horrified.)

Me: “I don’t even have an email!”

(He hung up. I wonder why.)

Guest: “Are you security here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

Guest: “There’s a car blocking the street and I can’t get through to the exit.”

Me: “Ma’am… um… that’s a police car, and they can park wherever they want. All you need to d…”

Guest: “Well, if he can park there, why can’t I?”

Me: “Because you’re not a law enforcement officer on official business, ma’am. Now, to exit, you just tu…”

Guest: “How do I get to be a cop so I can park in the street?”

Me: “Contact your local police department, ma’am; they’ll give you details. Just turn left, drive to the end of the row, and turn right; takes you straight to the exit.”

My friend works as a lawyer. He was invited to a restaurant to meet with a potential employer/business partner, but was not able to attend due to his religious dietary restrictions.

He received the following text message once he let them know that he was not able to attend:

“Kosher was introduced centuries ago when the food supply was unreliable, and many were getting sick.

The same is true of Halal food.

But today, with refrigeration, government inspections and so on, adherence to Kosher is no longer relevant.

I am concerned that we may have difficulty working together if you adhere to this and other non-rational practices.

Including adherence to non-rational holidays. Being a criminal and deportation practice, my phone rings 24/7/365 and I need to be available to work.

I will have lunch and a beer with [Big Lawyer] at an Italian bistro next Thursday.”

My friend was surprised that someone would say something like this on record, being that this is a blatant Human Rights violation in Ontario.

It’s time for the January roundup! Our editors have decided among themselves which stories in January deserve the extra attention, regardless of the number of thumbs-ups they received. Out of the 862 stories we posted in the month, we’ve singled out fifteen.

If there are any stories from the last month you feel we should have included, please let us know in the comments!

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite stories in the poll below! Note: You can choose up to three*. The winner of the previous roundup poll was You Can’t Dismiss The Karma On This One, from the Working category!

That Free Meal Cost Dearly – This will be our best spineless manager story of 2019.

An Alarming Lack Of Overstock – When there is no back room but they don’t believe you, then show them!

Needs To Reorient Their Detective Skills – Some people are married to more than just the job.

Leaning On Management To Improve – Nothing tastes better than their own medicine.

When The Customer Is Not Always Right, Everything Else Is – When new management doesn’t take BS from customers, it’s time to get some popcorn and watch the entitlement implosion!

Run-Ons Have Run On For Too Long – A teacher who actually teaches is a real teaching moment.

Good Decisions Save Lives, And Money! – Best driving policy ever!

Put Your Money Where Your Thoughts And Prayers Are – Funny how those that claim to know what God wants always say He wants what they want.

See How Nice It Is When The Customer Isn’t Always Right? – When the boss calls out the customers’ entitlement… well… we hope you still have some popcorn left!

She Has To Live Somewhere Else, But At Least She Will Be Living – Anti-Vaxxers should get the “Extra Stupid” tag but that would be too obvious.

Hot Enough To Burn – When those comebacks you think of later are perfectly timed.

Don’t Freeze Under Lack Of Management – When time is money is you need to make time to manage.

Hasn’t Done Math Since The Fifties, Or Changed His Attitude, Either – Calculate how out of touch these people are.

Not A Defective Loophole – If you have a stupid policy, expect someone to come up with a clever loophole.

Parental Advice Is Always Welcome But Not Always Up To Date – These days “pounding the pavement” means pounding the keyboard.

[poll id=”21″]

*Not Always Hopeless stories are not included in the poll. This is because often they are so lovely they win by default. 

We’ve decided to separate our favorite ‘Hopeless’ story of the month from the section above, since it’s not part of the poll:

The Cat Is Gone In A Creampuff – Some cats have nine lives, others make just the one really special.

Years ago, after my first husband passed away, I was cleaning out his closet and found some half-used cans of various gunpowders used for making his own ammunition.  

I figured I wouldn’t be able to sell it once it was opened, and didn’t know anyone at that time who made their own bullets, so I decided to give it to the firearms officer at our local police station.

Standing in line for my turn, there was only one other person waiting: a very large biker guy with full-colour leathers who was behind me.

When it was my turn, I approached the desk with my arm outstretched holding a large, brown paper bag. “I need to give you this gun powder,” I said.

The lady’s eyes grew large as she stepped back. At the same time, I notice the large biker guy out of the side of my eye moving slowly back toward the door. “Let me get someone,” she said, ditching around the corner.

In that moment, I realized it probably was not a very smart move bringing a bag of gun powder into the police station unannounced. Ultimately, they decided to accept it as a ‘Lost and Found’ object and let me go on my way. Note to self…