(Like most people, I do not pick up my phone when an unfamiliar number rings unless I am expecting a call from a specific person or company. A number unknown to me rings and I ignore it. They leave a voicemail, which is unusual, so I listen to it thinking it may be important. The message goes as follows:)

Message: “You are receiving this call from our department because we have noticed suspicious activity on your social security number and we have suspended it until further notice. Press two to learn more.”

(No information on what “department,” I laughed and deleted it, knowing social security numbers don’t work that way. By far, the silliest scam call I’ve ever gotten.)

Related:
Social Insecurity, Part 7
Social Insecurity, Part 6
Social Insecurity, Part 5

While in college I worked part-time as an EMT.

I will never forget this call. It was one of my very first Code 3 calls as an EMT.

It was during the summer. I had just started a few months before and we got a call of a Motor Vehicle Accident with persons trapped.

We loaded up, lights and sirens on, and we tore down the road. The call was only a five-minute drive without lights and sirens, but we made it there in about three minutes.

We arrived on the scene, and it turned out it was a minor fender bender. A young man about 17 or 18 tapped the bumper of the car in front of him after the car slammed on their brakes to pull into a fast food place.

The fire engine pulled up a minute later and they got out and asked me where the trapped occupants were. I had no idea.

We walked over to the car that was hit and we asked the lady who was trapped. She said her husband was, pointing to the man sitting in the passenger seat.

My partner walked over and opened the door, and the man started to complain about pain in his back, neck, and hips. My partner popped his head out and looked at me and mouthed, “He’s faking.”

It turns out they had just left the ER because the husband had cut his hand or something and were on their way home, and because of the medical complaint, we had to transport him back to the ER. We decided since he was giving us the complaint of back and neck pain we would give him and his wife the show they wanted.

We got out the backboard, neck brace, and a huge roll of tape. He told us he didn’t need a neck brace or backboard. We told him that since he complained of back and neck pain it was protocol.

We put the neck brace on and made sure it was very snug, and then we put him on the backboard and taped his head down.

We transported him to the hospital and we told the triage nurse that he was a Code TM — Troublemaker. We ran six more calls that evening to the same ER over a period of nine hours, and they still had him strapped to the board until he finally checked himself out.

We found out later that the whole thing was an attempt by the couple to get a huge insurance payout from the young man’s insurance company, but the insurance company refused to pay them a dime.

The young man barely tapped their bumper. In fact, it was so light there wasn’t even a chip in the paint, so they got stuck with the towing fee — they insisted the car get towed to the body shop because it was undriveable — ambulance transport fee, and emergency room fees.

Because of the way she reported the accident by calling 911 and saying there was a person trapped, a huge response was made; three ambulances, a fire engine, several sheriff vehicles, and two highway patrols all responded Code-3 for a bogus call. She was lucky she didn’t get in trouble for making a false report.

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(My Saint Bernard is still only a puppy, so while I still can, I’m taking him on a walk around the area so he can learn his way around if he gets lost. Despite me only having him for a couple of months, he’s already protective of me, and quite strong, too. I’m at the milk bar at the end of my street and the only pole I can tie him to isn’t in sight from within the shop. I will only take about two minutes, so I leave him there. Upon coming out of the shop I see someone dragging my dog down the path. I’m only twelve and around 5’4″, while this guy is at least 6’4″, muscular, and in his mid-30s.)

Me: *while running* “Hey! That’s my dog!”

(Upon seeing me, my dog starts to pull as hard as he can to get to me, and the guy starts to move faster.)

Me: *getting in front of him* “Didn’t you hear me? That’s my dog!”

Stranger: “Out of my way, girly. Bruno and I are trying to get home.”

(My dog’s name is not Bruno.)

Me: “If his name is Bruno, why does he respond when I call out ‘Bailey’? Why does he seem so eager to get away from you and back to me if he’s your dog?”

Stranger: “Because that’s how he acts around everyone.”

(The shop owner hears me calling and leaves the shop to see what is going on.)

Owner: “Both of you! What’s going on here?”

Stranger: “This little girly here was trying to get my dog!”

Owner: “Really?” *to me* “What was going on here?”

Me: “I came out of your shop and found this guy dragging Bailey down the street!”

Owner: *to the stranger* “Can you prove he’s your dog?”

Stranger: “Well, erm…”

Me: *remembering the tag on his neck* “I can prove he’s mine.”

Stranger: “As if!”

Me: *to the owner* “Look at his tag around his neck! I can tell you the address, the phone number is my mum’s, and his name is Bailey.”

(The owner asks me what the various details are and I answer them. The stranger looks angrier and angrier each time.)

Stranger: *yelling* “YOU JUST LOOKED AT THE TAG BEFORE!”

(The yelling scares my dog, who has been pulling on the lead. When he pulls the lead once more it snaps, and my dog bites the stranger before running to me.)

Stranger: “Give me back my dog! I’m calling the police!”

Owner: “And I’ll show them the security footage.”

(The police were called, and when shown the tapes they took him to their car and the shop owner gave me a new lead.)

(My lead cashier calls me up to tell me about a return a customer tried to make. The customer had a suitcase — with the security devices still on it, I might add — that she said she’d bought, but didn’t have the receipt for.)

Cashier: “Her story seemed kind of far-fetched… She told me she tried to return it to [Competitor] first, but they told her it wasn’t theirs and sent her over here, despite the fact that there is a very large price tag on it that says, ‘[Store].’”

Me: “What about the security tags? We don’t normally miss something like that.”

Cashier: “She said that we forgot to take them off. Either way, she said she’d go find her receipt and left the suitcase here. That was about an hour ago.”

(I went to check the cameras, just in case her story was true. I’m glad I did, because what I found still has me laughing. The customer had walked into the store, empty-handed, to the place we keep items that customers don’t want. She then grabbed the suitcase and immediately stepped into the return line. After my cashier had taken the suitcase, she lingered around the store for fifteen minutes before leaving. Probably the stupidest, most half-a**ed scam I’ve ever seen!)

(I am waiting in the drive-thru line at a popular coffee shop and have my car in park. The car in front of me leaves, and it’s my turn to pay. Before I can shift my car into drive, the truck behind me starts to go and bumps into me. I roll down my window, turn around and look at the guy, and then give my cash to the employee.)

Guy: *who hit me* “HEY! YOU BACKED INTO ME!”

Me: “I absolutely did not. I’m going to pull up to those parking spots, and after you pay, go ahead and pull up.”

(I pull up and wait, then get out of my car. I see there’s zero damage at all. He pulls in next to me and gets out. There is also zero damage to his truck, but I quickly start snapping photos.)

Guy: “YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!”

Me: “For one thing, I was in park. You hit me. For another thing, there is no damage to either of our vehicles.”

Guy: “I’LL TELL YOU THIS! I’M FEELING PRETTY WHIPLASHED.”

Me: “Okay, let’s go ahead and call the police, but just so you know I have a dash cam and a rear cam. My dash cam does indicate my speed, and that I was in park, and my rear cam will have notated this accident.”

Guy: “YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU!” *drives away*

(I did end up filing a police report later, just to cover my own butt, but nothing ever came of it. And when I watched the rear cam footage online, he was clearly on his phone when he hit me, and made the biggest “oops” face to boot.)