I’m driving along US 50 heading into Ocean City. I’m in the right-hand lane minding my business when someone is annoyed that I’m locked in on my cruise control at the posted speed limit. As it’s not busy this time of day, the person has plenty of opportunity to get into the left lane and pass me. 

For whatever reason, they do not for about ten minutes. I can see them in the rearview mirror gesturing wildly and pointing at me. 

Finally, they decide to pass me on the left. When they get back into the right lane, they brake-check me. I avoid hitting them and let them drive off. I’m in too much of a good mood to let them annoy me. Then, as I’m back to speed, I catch up with them and again, they brake-check me. 

Now I’m starting to get annoyed. I avoid hitting them again and they zoom off. After a few minutes, I’m caught up to them again and they do it a third time. 

Now I’m steaming mad. I’m cussing up a blue storm and I see lights in my rearview flashing at me. It’s a State Trooper flashing his headlights at me. 

I pull left and slow down, allowing the officer to pass on the right and take up the same spot I was holding. I fall back in behind the officer. 

Officer and I get up to speed and catch up with the jerk once more. Again, he hits his brakes hard. This time the officer hits his brakes to avoid hitting them — I’m far enough behind that I’m not at risk. The guy brake-checking us must have thought this funny… at least until the officer turns on his red and blues and chirps the siren. 

Jerk pulls over, officer pulls in behind him, and I’m assuming that a ticket or at the very least a stern talking-to is in the works. 

I just drive past them both, giving the jerk a cheery wave as I go on my merry way. 

And as a point of note to those who might be wondering how they didn’t notice the change? MD State Police SUVs are a greenish-grey and my SUV is a dark grey. So, in his rearview, we must have looked enough alike that he thought I was still there, ripe for the annoying.

I am driving on the highway, right around sunset, in my ugly blue minivan. Right after I’ve come around a bend, I hear revving behind me, and I see a bright red sports car come swerving around the turn. I am going right on the speed limit, but this car passes me like I’m sitting still, easily going twenty or more miles over the speed limit.

Immediately after it passes, I hear a siren behind me, and a police car speeds into view. I, being the law-abiding citizen that I am, slow and move over to the right to ensure they have plenty of room to pass. However, rather than passing, the cop pulls up right behind me, siren blaring. I’m confused, but I finish pulling all the way over.

After several seconds, the cop climbs out and starts walking towards me, only to stop and do a visible double-take when looking at my car. I see him shift back and forth between going up to talk to me and getting back in his car, and he finally chooses the latter, turning the siren back on and driving off. I guess that in the light of the setting sun, he somehow mistook my minivan for the sporty little car he’d been chasing.

(Back in the late 90s, I work as a bike security guard at a shopping center. Mostly we are there to watch for people trying to break into cars, prevent people from drinking alcohol in the parking lot before their movie, deal with traffic problems, and just always be moving and visible to deter other types of bad activity. One night, my supervisor and I are doing our hourly check of the back of the buildings when we see a young lady and a young man, probably teens, walking in the shadows. We pull up to them.)

Supervisor: “Hey, guys, you can’t be back here. It’s not safe at night. Is everything okay?”

Girl: “We’re fine. My boyfriend’s car broke down up by the entrance so he walked down here to get me from work. I’m a waitress at [Restaurant]. We’re just walking back to his car; my dad’s on the way.”

(They don’t stop walking and won’t look us in the eye. I also notice she still has her apron on and is holding it with her hands. After a quick glance, I speed up and pull ahead of them far enough to radio another guard to check with the restaurant. My supervisor keeps trying to talk to them.)

Supervisor: “Why are you walking behind the buildings? It’s safer out front, better lit, and less chance a car comes around a dumpster and hits you on a sidewalk.”

Girl: “Oh, there are too many people out front. It’s nice and quiet back here.”

Boy: “I thought it was kind of romantic.” *as they walk by an overflowing dumpster*

Guard #3: *on the radio, quietly* “Keep an eye on them; the police are on the way. She walked out with her entire bank and several credit cards.”

(I started riding left to right and slowing down a bit, signalling an issue to my supervisor. He tried to engage them even more in conversation, asking their names, asking if he could phone someone for them or if they needed a tow truck, etc. The girl just kept walking and avoiding eye contact. Headlights showed around the corner of the building along with red and blue flashing lights, and the girl made a break for it, running toward a cut-through between buildings. I got there first and blocked her path with my bike and myself. She tried to flail at me and grabbed at the bike, but I blocked her. The boy tried to run into the woods behind the center but my supervisor caught him. After a minute of fighting, I got her wrists zip-tied to a drainpipe and my supervisor had her boyfriend down on the ground. The police pulled up and took them into custody, and we all headed back to the restaurant. She had taken over $300 in cash from the register and had 17 customers’ credit cards!)

(The phone rings.)

Me: “[Bank], this is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I’m [Customer] and I’m an attorney. One of my clients, who banked there, passed away. Her name is [Person]. I’m in charge of her estate. I need her account balances and I also need to know how to get access to her safe deposit box.”

Me: “Are you on the account with her?”

Customer: “No. I was her attorney, though. I’ve done this before.”

(I go into the computer system to see if we have anything on file. Neither person’s name is bringing up any results.)

Me: “Unfortunately, there is nothing on file with us, so I can’t give you any information. But if you can bring in the small estate affidavit or other paperwork showing that you’re her executor, I can get it verified with Legal and then we can look a little deeper.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s what Legal wants.”

Customer: “Listen here, missy. I’ve done this for many years and I’ve never been asked to bring in any sort of paperwork. You are required to give me this information.”

Me: “Not without the proper paperwork, sir. If you’d like, I can put you in touch with Legal.”

(The customer huffs. The line goes silent for a minute.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “You were not helpful!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “UGH!”

(I hung up. I went into the system and discovered that there had never been an account on file for the person he had just yelled at me about. Oops!)

My brother is picking up his girlfriend at college. Just as they’re about to leave, a college campus police officer flashes his lights and makes them stop. My brother is very nervous, having never been stopped by the police before. 

He rolls his window down, but just as the officer walks up, he accidentally sets off his car alarm, catching the attention of everyone. He tries to shut it off, but then he accidentally turns on the wipers. It has been drizzling, so the officer gets hit in the face with rain. 

Luckily, the officer seems to realize it was a mistake and writes him a warning for not changing his back license plate bulb.