Me: “9-1-1. Police, fire, or ambulance?”
Caller: “Police.”
Me: “What’s your emergency?”
Caller: “Is it illegal for a 14-year-old to be drinking Jack Daniels?”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
Caller: “Oh, okay. And, one more question. Is it illegal for a 14-year-old to be smoking marijuana?”
Me: “Yes, it is, ma’am.”
Caller: “Oh, okay. My son told me it wasn’t. I’d like you to arrest my son, please. He’s been doing this for a couple of years now!”
Did you find this story using our Emergency Services roundup?
Click here to read the next story!
Click here to get back to the roundup!
Me: “Hi, is [Customer] there?”
Customer: “This is him.”
Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m calling about your order.”
Customer: “Oh, great! What do you need?”
Me: “Well, sir, you, unfortunately, forgot to sign both your money orders.”
Customer: “So?”
Me: “We can’t cash them if they’re not signed. They’re like checks that way.”
Customer: “So? When that happens, you should just sign it for us. You must write checks to yourselves for customers all the time.”
Me: “No, sir, that’s called fraud.”
Customer: “So?”
Me: “So… that’s illegal.”
Customer: “So?”
Me: “Hi, how can I help you sir?”
Customer: “Do you guys sell pallets?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”
Customer: “… but there’s a whole bunch behind your store just sitting there.”
Me: “Yes, but we reuse those. We don’t sell them.”
Customer: “Well, is it illegal if I steal one of them?”
Me: “Repeat what you just said to yourself.”
Customer: *thinks for a second* “Oh.”
Me: “Good afternoon, civil department.”
Caller: “Hi, I’d like to know what happened in my son’s case today.”
Me: “I can’t tell you any details, but I can tell you if they have finished. Can you give me the case number?”
Caller: “Oh, I don’t have one.”
Me: “Are you sure this is a civil case and not criminal?”
Caller: “Definitely civil. Not criminal! My son’s not a criminal!”
Me: “Okay, could I get a last name to see if I can find it that way?”
Caller: “The name is [Last Name].”
Me: “Okay, that name isn’t showing up at all. Are you sure it’s not a criminal case?”
Caller: “MY SON IS NOT A CRIMINAL! How dare you suggest it, you b****!”
Me: “Okay… can you tell me what the case was about?”
Caller: “Oh, kidnapping and assault.”
Me: *transfers the call to criminal*
Me: “[Law Office]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I need an attorney for my grandson. He was arrested for stealing a car.”
Me: “Okay, can you give me details?”
Caller: “Yes, he was at the bar and after he decided to leave, he got in the wrong car and left with it. He didn’t mean to do it. He was just confused.”
Me: “What kind of car did he steal?”
Caller: “A charcoal-grey Jeep Liberty…”
Me: “Okay, and what type of car does he have?”
Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t own a car…”
Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think I can help you.”
