Back when they first made texting and driving illegal, a lot of people were still doing it.

My friend is rammed by another woman in a parking garage. When the police officer shows up, he thinks the woman who rammed my friend was just looking for a parking space, so he is writing a warning. 

Woman: “I’m so sorry; I shouldn’t have been texting—”

Police Officer: “What?! Texting?!”

He ripped up the warning and gave her a very expensive ticket, instead.

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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I grew up in a tourist town in Colorado which got a lot of traffic from out of state. While local drivers aren’t always sane, the tourists tend to be even worse. Speed limits are broken, stop signs are ignored, double yellow lines are crossed, etc.

One day, my uncle is visiting and has picked me up from school. As we’re heading home, we see a driver from Texas obviously break a law, narrowly avoiding an accident.

Me: “Well, Texas drivers do tend to go crazy around here.”

Uncle: “[My Name], that’s not very nice. Different states have different laws; they can’t be expected to know them all.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure a red light still means ‘stop’ in Texas.”

My dad told me this story, as one of the strangest events he had ever witnessed in his life. At the time, he was visiting the US from Australia and had decided to go to a cafe for his morning coffee. The main road the cafe was located on had been blocked off and cleared by the local police for a bicycle race coming through the area.

There were signs everywhere, traffic cones, and policemen blocking off intersecting streets. But somehow, a car managed to get through the barriers, or partway through, and ended up stuck on the road. This all happened right outside the cafe, so my dad got front-row seats to the bizarre debacle that happened next. 

A policeman approached the vehicle and tried to explain to the driver that she had to turn around, as the area had been blocked off in anticipation of the race that was about to come through. To my dad’s astonishment, the woman completely ignored the policeman. She wouldn’t even roll down the window; she just pretended like she couldn’t hear him.

The cop got more and more frustrated, repeating louder and louder that she needed to turn around to keep the road clear, and she just continued to ignore him. It got to the point where the cop pulled out his gun and pointed it at the woman — something which completely shocked my dad because it would have been illegal for an Australian cop to pull out a gun under the same circumstances. But even with a gun aimed at her at point-blank range, and the owner of said gun yelling at her to get out of the car, the lady still ignored him!

Finally, the cop ended up using the butt of his gun to break the window, and only then did the driver acknowledge his presence. Just when my dad didn’t think things could get any weirder, the crazy lady got out of the car and started berating the cop for breaking her window, insisting that he was going to have to pay for the damage.

She was arrested, of course. The whole thing was so absurd that my dad could barely rationalise it; it almost seemed like a parody sketch or a prank of some kind. My dad joked that he had half a mind to go up to the two of them after all that to thank them for the entertainment they had put on for the tourists and ask where he was supposed to pay.

I’m at my grandma’s house one day, helping her go through some stuff. While she’s not very tech-savvy, she’s still pretty smart and knows when something’s up. She also has no problems wasting someone’s time if she knows they’re up to no good.

The phone rings, and she answers. I can hear the caller on the other end.

Grandma: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, this is [Caller] at Microsoft. Your computer has a bug.”

My grandma rolls her eyes.

Grandma: “A bug? But I’m not sick!”

Caller: “No, not a sick bug. It’s like a glitch. We can fix it for you, though.”

Grandma: “Really? How can you fix it?”

Caller: “Are you at your computer?”

We’re both in the kitchen, with the closest computer halfway across the house.

Grandma: “Yes, I am.”

Caller: “Can you open the start menu? It’ll be the icon with the squares in the bottom left corner.”

Grandma: “Okay, it’s open.” 

The caller then gives instructions on what commands to enter. If done, it would allow him remote access to the computer. When it comes time to actually input the final steps:

Grandma: “Actually, can you hold on? My show’s about to come on.”

Caller: “Ma’am, it’s very important that we fix this now. This bug could ruin your computer.”

Grandma: “Really?”

Caller: “Yes, ma’am. You could lose everything on the computer.”

Grandma: “Huh, because ten minutes ago I ran [Security Software], and it came back fine. I also know Microsoft doesn’t call about computer bugs. Do people actually still fall for that? Next, you’ll be some prince trying to send me millions!”

The caller is silent for a moment and then hangs up. My grandma puts the phone down.

Grandma: “Bug, my a**.”

I have been getting many, many calls over the past several months telling me my vehicle warranty is about to expire. Usually, I just hang up, but last week I had enough and decided to call their bluff. 

Me: “Hello?”

Robotic Voice: “Hi, this is [Name] with the vehicle warranty department. Our records show your car’s warranty will expire soon. Press one to speak to an agent.”

I press one.

Scammer: “Hello, can you please verify the make and model of your vehicle?” 

Me: “A 2019 white cane.” 

Scammer: *Confused* “What, miss?”

Me: *Repeating* “A 2019 white cane.”

Scammer: “Uh, what was that?”

Me: “Let me help you out. I know this is a scam. I do not own a vehicle. In fact, I am completely blind and have been my whole life. Therefore, I am not able to obtain a driver’s license, let alone buy a car.”

Scammer: *Absolutely shocked* “Uh… Um… Really?”

Me: “This is the fourth call from you I have received this week, and I have all the different numbers you use in my phone’s history. I will ask you once to remove me from your list. If you contact me again, I will file a complaint with the FCC.”

Scammer: *Click* 

The next day, they called me again! As promised, I hung up and filed a report with the FCC. I wonder if they would actually give me a warranty on my cane, though!