In high school, I am good friends with a guy whose family is military. They live in military housing on the base in town. The housing itself is outside the base proper, but the property itself is still considered part of the base and is patrolled by the Military Police rather than the local cops.

I am going over to visit my friend at his house one evening, and as we are both too young to get licenses of our own yet, I have my dad drive me out. Upon getting into the car, he discovers his seat belt is broken. It’s not great, but there’s not much that can be done about it, as by this time of the evening, the repair shops have all closed. So, he basically just shrugs.

Dad: “I’ll get it fixed tomorrow.”

He drives me to my friend’s house and drops me off, and then goes home. As it happens, on his way off the base, he comes to a Military Police roadblock.

Military Police: “Sir, may I ask why you’re not wearing your seat belt?”

Dad: “I just discovered tonight that it was broken. I’m going to take it into the shop tomorrow and have it fixed.”

Military Police: “Well, sir, you’re driving without a seat belt. I’m going to write you a ticket.”

Dad: “I just told you it only broke tonight. Can’t you just write me a repair slip?”

Military Police: “If you don’t like this, sir, feel free to dispute the ticket in court.”

At this, she hands my dad his ticket and walks smugly away, convinced that she’s gotten the better of him.

Several weeks later, my dad has indeed disputed the ticket and is appearing in court for the pretrial.

Judge: “All right, Mr. [Dad’s Last Name], you’re disputing this ticket for a broken seat belt. You understand all your rights and responsibilities in this regard?”

Dad: “Yes, I do.”

Judge: “And would you like to be tried by judge or by jury?”

Dad: “I would like a trial in front of a jury, please.”

At this, the Crown Prosecutor steps over to my dad.

Crown Prosecutor: “Mr. [Dad’s Last Name], do you realize how much expense the Crown would have to go to in order to convene a jury over a broken seat belt?”

Dad: *Smugly* “Yep.”

There is a long pause.

Crown Prosecutor: “Let me speak to the judge.”

Long story short, the Crown Prosecutor, who was supposed to be ensuring my dad had to pay the ticket, went to the judge and got the case thrown out. My dad didn’t have to pay a cent.

And incidentally, the seat belt was fixed first thing the morning after he first got the ticket.

I used to volunteer for my township’s all-volunteer first aid squad. Some years prior, we had removed a volunteer for a variety of reasons, including being unfit for duty. Prior to that, when he was still on the squad, he told me an hour-long story about how he was working as an EMT in Manhattan on 9/11. He had my complete attention and sympathy while he told me how he was injured and could not walk inside one of the towers when a policeman came by and carried him out to safety.

Following his removal from the squad, it started coming out that the whole story he told me was a lie and he was scamming foundations and other groups out of money and services. At the time, though, nobody could prove that he was a scam artist. I felt personally affronted, as he had originally had me hook, line, and sinker when he told me his fake story. Because of this, I was very vocal about how I felt about him, and he knew it.

Fast forward several years. It is a Friday night and I am on duty to take calls for an ambulance in my township. The township high school is playing a football game, and since the school requires an ambulance to be stationed at the game, we have a second rig there. Partway through the game, my pager goes off, announcing a call for a stabbing at the game. My crew heads that way. When we arrive, we see that the other ambulance is already on the scene rendering care. Since it would be the responsibility of my ambulance to transport to the hospital, we decide to leave the patient on that ambulance and just switch crews.

I enter the side of the other rig to see the victim receiving care for his wound by the other crew. But who else is there? The scammer! I look him in the eye.

Me: *Calmly* “You can leave my ambulance now.”

Scammer: “I will not. I’ve started rendering care here and I am going to see it through to the end.”

Me: “We have it under control. Exit my ambulance.”

Scammer: “No.”

Me: “You must leave immediately; you are not wanted here.”

He looks down to the floor, picks something up, and throws it at my face. I do not have time to react; we are only five feet apart. The object hits me square in my face and then falls toward my hands, where I catch it. It is only then that I realize it is the bloody shirt from the stabbing victim! And this is in front of three witnesses directly inside the ambulance.

I immediately drop it to the floor and then proceed to lose my cool. I move around the victim on the stretcher toward the scammer/assaulter. I get loud. I am not even sure what I say exactly, but something to the effect of, “How dare he expose my eyes and hands to a bodily fluid?!”

The scammer/assaulter quickly jumps out the back of the ambulance. I follow, still shouting. He runs away. Within five seconds, I realize that a police officer was standing right there taking a witness statement but is now staring at me in surprise, as he has never seen me act this way. I look at him and apologize, telling him that I will talk to him later.

We transported the victim to the hospital and he turned out to be okay. After finishing up with the transport, I called my squad captain to report what had happened. He told me to go directly to the police station and file charges.

Some months later, it was time to go to court for the trial of the scammer/assaulter. He had a lawyer and pleaded guilty. I talked to the prosecutor, who recommended punishment to the judge. I knew there would be no jail time, but I requested the maximum fine, to be earmarked as a donation to the first aid squad. He agreed. So did the judge.

It was some years later that an investigative reporter contacted me. He was looking into the scammer. I happily provided all the information that was known to me. His two-night piece aired a few weeks later, and it 100% exposed the scammer for what he was: a guy taking advantage of a national tragedy for money and sympathy. Now, THAT was sweet justice!

I started working nights at this gas station around three years ago. I quickly learned that if I wasn’t tough, the customers in the area would try to abuse me to no end, so I developed a thick skin pretty quickly and often can come off as rude or uncaring to some, but I try to be fair to all.

A known problem customer enters the store.

Customer #1: “Hey, man, can I get a [Brand] [flavor] cigar?”

Me: “Sure.”

I turn and casually grab the cigar and scan it.

Me: “That’ll be $1.26.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, okay, dude.”

He places $1.25 on the counter and reaches for the cigar. I quickly pull the cigar back and he snaps his head up, looking PISSED.

Customer #1: “The f***? Give me my cigar, man!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not enough, man. You’re short by a cent.”

Yes, I know it’s only a penny. I know most people would just let him have it to be rid of him. But as said earlier, he is a known problem customer and this is the fourth time he’s pulled this trick this week, let alone how many times he’s done something similar this month, so I’m at the end of my rope with him.

Customer #1: “F*** off, man. Just give me the friggin’ cigar and let me leave.”

Me: “Not until you pay full price.”

The customer then starts ranting about how I’m being a child, it’s only a penny, the other guy lets him do it, etc. I don’t say anything and let him vent for about two minutes until I notice a second customer waiting to actually buy something behind him.

Me: “Look. I don’t have time to play this game. I have other people waiting.”

I put the cigar back and push his money across the counter back to him.

Me: “We’re done here. I’m not serving you tonight.”

Then, I wave [Customer #2] forward. [Customer #1] sputters for a bit.

Customer #1: “MAN, F*** YOU!” *Storms out*

Customer #2: “Uh… Will you be okay? He doesn’t seem stable.”

Me: “I’ll be fine. It’s not the first time he’s acted like this. He’ll just leave and be back tomorrow.”

I was very wrong. About an hour later, he peels back into our lot and storms into our store.

Customer #1: “You’re gonna give me that cigar. And you know what? A pack of [Cigarettes], too. No, make it a carton, you c***. And I ain’t paying for S***, ‘CAUSE F*** YOU, B****. 

Slightly taken aback, I quickly hit the silent alarm to alert the cops.

Me: “Uh, yeah, no, that’s not happening. You need to leave before the cops get here.”

Customer #1: “Call them, you p***y. You can’t prove anything.”

[Customer #1] proceeded to run around the counter and try to shove me. I’m 6’7”. I don’t move easily. He quickly gave up and grabbed a couple of packs he could reach and ran out of the store. He got into his car just as the cops were pulling in. I signalled for them to follow him and they peeled out of the lot.

I later found out from one of the officers that he crashed his car and then tried to assault one of the officers when they arrested him. I think it will be pretty open and shut with our camera footage, but he wants to fight it in court.

A couple of months later, I was sitting in court waiting for him to show up when his lawyer got a call that he had been arrested the night before for assaulting a different gas station employee. Old habits die hard, I guess.

My wife and I have some checks to deposit so we drive to our bank’s drive-thru. I haven’t signed the checks yet so I stop just short of the drive-thru and sign them. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice some guy run past the front of the car just as I am finishing.

I pull up and hit the request button and… nothing. There aren’t any tellers visible in the window but the lights are on. We are confused and think maybe the bank has closed, but some other cars pull in then. Still no tellers.

A guy in the car closest to the building gets out and peers in the window.

Guy: “Everyone inside is lying on the floor!”

Just then police cars — over a dozen! — came zooming in from every direction with lights but no sirens. The bank had been robbed.  

After getting some money, the robber told everyone to get down and stay down and then ran right past the front of our car after exiting the emergency exit right by the drive-thru. Unfortunately, I couldn’t describe him, though it turned out he’d been caught on camera. No one was actually hurt.

In my state, wearing a mask in any public building is required.

I go to the corner gas station that’s very popular with the local police because they give them free coffee. I go up to the counter to make my purchase and see that the two clerks don’t have their masks pulled all the way up. I’ve had some recent health problems, so politely, from behind my mask, I ask them before I approach:

Me: “Can you pull your masks up?”

They think I said, “Put your hands up,” and hit the panic button. The doors lock, and they bolt for the backroom while I’m having a WTF moment.

Now, as I’ve said, the place is very popular with the local police department, and there’s usually one or two cars there an hour. FOUR police cars arrive in thirty seconds; their precinct is a half-mile down the street.

They get out of their cars with guns drawn and shout at me to freeze, come to them, get on the ground, and other things I can’t make out from behind their masks. They also can’t get into the store because the doors are still locked and the cashier and supervisor aren’t coming out of the backroom because they think I’m robbing the place.

I get on the floor and stay there until the supervisor unlocks the door, holding a mop handle in my direction, and the cops swarm me and handcuff me while reading me my rights.

They start asking me my name, what I am doing there, etc. I’m still wearing my mask and one of them says he can’t understand me. I enunciate for them as clearly as I can while handcuffed.

Me: “I came up to the counter and asked them to pull their masks up as I have health problems.” 

It took another ten minutes of me repeating what I’d said before the cashier agreed that was what she’d thought I said and panicked. The supervisor panicked, too, and I ended up almost getting arrested because they couldn’t understand me. 

Enunciate, people. It might stop you from getting arrested. 

As a bonus, I got a free cup of coffee.