Leave Out The Leaves And Leave

(I am serving a middle-aged woman and her partner. I can tell as soon as I take drink orders that this is going to be an interesting table. After altering and modifying her entrée in every way possible, the woman decides to order a side salad.)

Customer: “…and I want a side salad, lettuce, cheese and onions only!”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’ll go ahead and put your order in.”

(A little while later, I bring out the salad and their entrees. The salad is comprised of mixed greens, shredded cheese, and onions. The woman takes one look at her salad and is clearly displeased.)

Customer: “What is this?! These are leaves!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem with the salad?”

Customer: “These are leaves! You gave me leaves! Leaves! I’m not a pig! Pigs eat leaves! I’m a human! I’m a country gal and when I order a salad with PLAIN LETTUCE, I don’t want no leaves!”

(At this point, her partner seems extremely embarrassed, but doesn’t say anything.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I can replace the salad for you if you’d like.”

Customer: “No! It’s too late! You’ve ruined my night! Just go!”

(I leave them to their dinners, unsure of how to remedy the “leaves” situation. When I check on them a little bit later, the woman is still very upset about the salad. I offer to get my manager and she accepts.)

Manager: “Hello, ladies, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Why are you smilin’?! Do you see me smilin’?! This isn’t a joke! And that waitress! She smiles too much, too! I’m just a country gal who wants some plain lettuce!”

(In the end, the “leaves” get taken off her bill. At least she left a decent tip!)