At Least He Knows Africa Is A Continent

(At the end of my younger brother’s first semester away at college, he sends word that he has extended an invitation to an acquaintance at school to spend the holidays with our family because they cannot travel home for winter break. The person in question is a young man from Uganda. [Guest] has a couple things to wrap up after finals, so my brother is already home, but he drives back to his university to pick [Guest] up, and I go with him. I think my brother and [Guest] know each other already, but I sit in the back of my brother’s car listening to him getting to know this Ugandan international student for what seems like the first time. I make no qualms over my brother’s lack of social skills or etiquette. He’s no bigot, just a sad combination of clueless and uncouth. Thankfully, [Guest] is one of the most patient, gracious, and funny people I’ve ever met.)

Brother: “So, what country in Africa are you from?”

Guest: “Uganda. It is right on the equator.”

Brother: “Wow. So, it’s hot, huh?”

Guest: “Yes. So hot. This weather here is unbearable!”

Brother: “Like, hot enough to cook an egg on a rock or something?”

Guest: “No, man, meat. Just whole steaks, right there on the rock. Well-done in seconds.”

Brother: “Wow, really?”

Guest: “Oh, yeah. That hot.”

Brother: “So, did you grow up in a hut?”

Guest: “No, I sleep under the stars with a log pillow, next to the lions.”

Brother: “Oh, wow! Next to lions?!”

([Guest] cut him loose at that point and explained that his home city, Kampala, is a very normal, western-looking city with tall buildings and traffic. The rest of his stay with our family was awesome because the guy was laugh-out-loud hysterical in nearly everything he talked about, and I’ve always regretted not staying in touch with him all these years later.)