(I am taking a 7:30 AM advanced math course. Prior to this year, my classes started at 8:30 AM, so I am not used to this schedule. I wander into class around 7:35 AM.)

Teacher: “Nice of you to join us.”

(I find my seat, open my book, and lay my head down to take a nap. 15 minutes later…)

Teacher: “[My name], what is the answer to problem number six?”

Me: “Uhhh… [right answer].”

Teacher: “…”

(I go back to sleep. About 15 more minutes pass and I lift my head up and stare at the chalkboard for a minute.)

Me: “[Teacher], shouldn’t that be a negative two instead of a positive two?”

(The teacher looks at the board.)

Teacher: “Uhhh… yeah. That’s right.”

(The entire class stares at me in disbelief as I lay down for the remaining 15 minutes of class.)

Teacher: *shaking his head* “I don’t know either.”

Me: “Hi. Were you the one who needed help with the copier?”

Student: “Yes! I don’t understand what’s wrong, but it just won’t copy! None of them will!”

Me: “Okay, let’s see; did you swipe your ID to enable printing?”

Student: “Yes! Here, I’ll do it again.”

(She swipes her card and I immediately see the problem.)

Me: “Oh, you have insufficient funds.”

Student: “But what does that mean?”

Me: “Well, it means you don’t have enough money on the card to print anything. You can add money at that kiosk over there.”

Student: “But I have dining dollars!”

Me: “Were you planning to eat the copies?”

Student: “What? No! That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “Then why would you think you can use your dining dollars to print them?”

(It’s finals time. There’s a sign in the library reading: “NO EXCESSIVE NOISE OR PHONE USE – POLICY STRICTLY ENFORCED.” A student comes in talking on her phone.)

Student: “…but that’s not ’til Tuesday, so I’m like, f*** that, I’m just going to— OWWW!”

Head Librarian: “And there’s more where that came from if you can’t be quiet, missy!”

(I go up to check out a book and see a giant box of rubber bands behind the desk.)

Me: “Are you… are you shooting those at students?”

Head Librarian: “Yep! I’ve been practicing in my spare time. [Other Librarian] and I are keeping score.”

This story is part of the People Who Should Get Off Their Phones roundup!

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Teacher: “Uncle is ‘oncle,’ and aunt is ‘tante.’ Your grandparents would be ‘grand-père’ and ‘grande-mère.'”

Classmate: “How would step-parents work in French?”

Teacher: “If you have a stepfather, he is your ‘beau-père.’ Your stepmother is ‘belle-mère.'”

(The literal meaning of ‘belle’ is ‘beautiful.’)

Classmate: “But my step-mom is ugly!”

(It’s nearing the end of the day, and the kids are getting very restless, so I bring all the kids to the carpet area and start teaching them to do some stretches and yoga postures. One of the girls sits cross-legged on the floor and puts her hands palm-up on her knees.)

Girl: “Look, [my name], I’m medicating!”

(I hoped that wasn’t what she told her parents I taught them in class.)