(At the moment we are learning about atoms.)

Teacher: “So everything is made up of atoms.”

(A student raises her hand.)

Teacher: “Yes?”

Student: “We can’t see atoms, right?”

Teacher: “…Correct.”

Student: “So how do we know they’re real?”

(The class goes silent.)

Teacher: “Well, there’s scientists who study them and—”

Student: “Maybe the scientists are pranking us.”

Me: “Scientists… managed to prank the entire world?”

Student: “I don’t believe atoms exist. I think they’re fake!”

(I am discussing a child’s recent behavior with his mother.)

Me: “I’m a bit concerned that he refuses to talk to me when he thinks he is in trouble.”

Mother: “Yes, well, you know why he’s like that.”

(I give her an expectant stare.)

Mother: “He’s a Sagittarius.”

(It took me a moment to realize she was completely serious.)

(In my school, there are two Politics teachers. Teacher #1 is the Head Teacher; Teacher #2 is the Head of Politics. We’re in the last lesson we’ll have with him for two weeks because he has to go away on business. We’re studying “spin” and how the media can warp the news.)

Teacher #1: “Now, can anyone think of any examples of—”

(The door slams open to reveal Teacher #2, who literally looks as if he’s about to kill somebody.)

Teacher #2: [Teacher #1]! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”

(Teacher #1 is visibly frightened.)

Teacher #2: “YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THIS CLASS FOR THE NEXT FIVE LESSONS?”

Teacher #1: “I don’t have any other choice—”

(Teacher #2 strides over to the desk and grabs Teacher #1 by the collar.)

Teacher #2: “THIS ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH! THESE STUDENTS HAVE AN EXAM IN JUST A MONTH AND A HALF! YOU ARE LETTING THEM DOWN! YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE THEM!”

(Teacher #1 is now literally shaking in terror.)

Teacher #2: “YOU ARE GOING TO TEACH THESE STUDENTS, OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES, [Teacher #1]! IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, AND THEY DESERVE BETTER!”

(Teacher #2 storms out the room, muttering loudly about how it’s “not good enough”. The class is sitting there in silence. After a moment, Teacher #1 turns back to the class calmly.)

Teacher #1: “Now, everyone open your notebooks and—”

Me: “Sir?! Are you okay? What was that?”

Teacher #1: “Please don’t interrupt me. I want you to all write short newspaper articles on what just happened, but putting different spins on it.”

Student #1: “…What?”

(It was an act. Turns out that they do this every year as a learning aid. I love those teachers.)

(One day my mother gets a call from the vice principal.)

Vice Principal: “Mrs. [name], I’m calling to inform you that your daughter has been caught giving threatening notes to other students. You need to come down here immediately. We do not tolerate this kind of behavior.”

Mother: “My daughter? She would never do something like that.”

Vice Principal: “I have the note right here.”

Mother: “You are sure my daughter wrote it? My daughter [my name]?”

Vice Principal: “Yes. It was definitely [my name]. This is what she wrote.”

(He reads the note and it is filled with profanity and graphic descriptions of violence directed at another student.)

Mother: “No, this HAS to be a mistake. Is she with you? Have you pulled her out of class?”

Vice Principal: “I am going to right now. But, Mrs. [name], I need you to come down here right now so we can discuss displinary measures.”

Mother: “I’m on my way.”

(My mother walks into the school and the vice principal runs towards her, out of breath.)

Vice Principal: “Mrs. [name]! I tried to catch you before you left the house. I apologize, but we had the wrong girl.”

Mother: “I knew it wasn’t [my name]!”

Vice Principal: *sheepishly* “Well, in my defense, it was a girl named [my name].”

(Turns out there was another girl in my grade with the exact same name. All year long I would get called to the vice principal’s office, pop my head in and wave. He would sigh and say, “wrong one.” To this day I wonder whatever happened to that girl.)

(In my Ancient History class we are looking at a reconstruction of a Roman temple and discussing the Latin written on it.)

Teacher: “Have you noticed they don’t use ‘u’s? They use ‘v’s instead. So whenever you see Latin there won’t be any ‘u’s…probably because they weren’t shepherds.”

(The class laughs and, while one student manages to spot something on the image.)

Student: “Look! In Pont…Pontefix Maximus. They used a ‘u’ there.”

Teacher: “Oh, so they did. There’s always an exception to any rule; I guess that one’s just the black sheep.”

(The class laughs again and when we finally calmed down he had one more thing to say.)

Teacher: “Alright, we can stop talking about that now. I’m feeling pretty sheepish about all the jokes. They were just so ‘baaa’d.”