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Stories from school and college

Can’t Handle The Screening Process, Part 2

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(I teach college computer courses part time. I am introducing my students, who are 18-60 or so, to Windows and a GUI for the first time.)

Me: “Okay, everyone use your mouse to point at the icon and double-click on it. Once in the program, go ahead with the exercise.”

(A student raises a hand.)

Me: “Something not working?”

Student: “The mouse doesn’t seem to work. I point at the icon and double-click and nothing happens.”

Me: “That’s strange. Try it right now and let’s see what happens.”

(The student grabs the mouse, picks it up off the desk and points it at the icon like a gun and double clicks.)

Student: “See? Isn’t that little arrow supposed to follow too? Anyway, it’s broken, doesn’t work.”

Me: “Ah, well, see you actually use the mouse here on the mouse-pad like this.” *I demonstrate*

Student: “Oh my, I get it now!” *grabs the mouse and successfully launches the program*

(A few minutes go by as the students are working on the exercise, the same student raises a hand.)

Me: “Getting along with the exercise okay?”

Student: “I was, but now I need a bigger mouse pad.”

Me: “Why would that be?”

Student: “Well look at it. I have the mouse all the way to the right side of the mouse-pad, but I need to make the arrow go even further to the right on the screen. I need a bigger mouse-pad.”

Me: “Well, you can pick the mouse up–”

Student: “You told me not to do that.”

Me: “Right, but in this case–”

Student: “You’re confusing me.”

Me: “Let me see if we have a bigger mouse-pad…”

TLDNStudy

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(I work at a university; note that it is generally considered very academically competitive.)

Student: “I think there’s a hold on my account.”

Me: “Yes, health services put a registration hold on your account because they don’t have your immunization—”

Student: “Wait, that’s a big word! I don’t know what that means!”

Totally, Like, Excruciatus

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(Two girls enter the bookstore. I recognize them as being two ditzy girls from my English class.)

Me: “Hey, [Girl #1] and [Girl #2], what’s up? I didn’t think you guys liked hanging out in bookshops?”

Girl #1: *giggles* “Duh! Did you like think that we’re geeks or something?”

Girl #2: “Like, duh, I’m just looking for this book for my sister.”

(Said sister happens to be one of my good friends.)

Me: “Oh, what book does Jen want?”

Girl #2: “It’s like, this book with some totally geeky wizards or something.”

Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter? She’s already got those books.”

Girl #2: “Like, no duh! It’s like, written by some totally old-ish chick named Jane or something. It’s like, about this chick named Emma.”

Me:Emma by Jane Austen hasn’t got any wizards.”

Girl #2: “Ain’t Emma that witch or something? That nerdy, bushy-haired one?”

Me: “That’s Hermione Granger. Her actress is Emma Watson.”

Girl #2: *huffing* “What-EVER! I’m like, so totally out of here, you geek!”

The Great District of Confusion

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(I am a student working in the on campus bookstore. A customer comes in and approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need a map of Washington.”

Me: “Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Do you need a map for Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

Customer: *confused* “What’s the difference, and what do you mean by D.C.?”

Me: “Well, one is a state above Oregon on the West coast, and the other—Washington, D.C.—is an area on the east coast. ‘D.C.’ stands for District of Columbia.”

Customer: “No, not in Colombia! In America!”

Me: “Ma’am, Washington, D.C. is in America. That is what it is called.”

Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. I just need a map of Washington for my political science class.”

Me: “Ah, then I’ll get you a map of Washington, D.C.”

Customer: “I think you’re wrong. I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!” *walks away looking very annoyed*

 

Knocking The Door Of Opportunity

| Learning | March 12, 2013

Parent: "It’s ridiculous that I’m expected to give my information for my daughter to go to college. My parents didn’t pay for my college and I’m not paying for hers. I’m not giving it!"

Me: "Sir, these are the federal government’s regulations. According to the government, until your daughter is 23, married, or has a dependent of her own, she needs to provide your financial information."

Parent: "So, you’re saying if she gets married or knocked up, I don’t have to take care of her?"

Me: "Um…technically, yes."

Parent: *to daughter* "That’s it. You know what you have to do. You need to get pregnant now."

Daughter: *looking mortified and whining to her father* "Daaaad!"

Parent: "I’m serious. If you want to go to college then you’re throwing out your pills and getting yourself knocked up."