(My friend and I are in Geography class demonstrating different types of clouds with Play-Doh. Struck by inspiration, I carve the Number 2000 into the cloud I’m holding.)
Me: “Look! It’s the new Nimbus 2000!”
Friend: “A new cloud model!”
Me: “It’s the fastest model yet!”
(I’ve been paired with two girls to dissect a lamb’s heart. They don’t really like me, as I’ve never been the kind of girl to wear makeup and act like them. Note that they’re just watching the dissection and not bothering to help.)
Girl #1: “Ew! [My name], how can you do this? It’s GROSS!”
Girl #2: “That is disgusting! I can’t do that! The blood will get on my nails!”
(They go back to our desk and start grooming themselves, all the while whining that the dissection is horrible, how can I do this, their hair will be ruined, and leaving me to do all the work. Eventually, I’ve had enough and decide to have a little fun.)
Me: “Hey, [Girl #1]?”
Girl #1: “What?”
Me: “Look at THIS!”
(I hold up my hands, having deliberately covered them with as much blood as I can. They both scream.)
Girl #1: “Oh, EW! You’re gross, [my name]!”
Girl #2: “Don’t come near me! You’ll get it on me and ruin my nails!”
(The entire class is watching at this point. I grin, pick up the dissected heart and chase them around the science lab with it. They shriek in terror. Everyone cheers me on and even the teacher doesn’t try to stop me as he is laughing too hard. I win.)
Professor: “…so, to do that, we need to implement another for loop.”
Classmate #1: “So it’s a for loop within a for loop within a for loop?”
Classmate #2: “For loop-ception!”
Classmate #3: “I was really hoping no one would say that.”
Me: “Are you okay?”
Student: “NO!”
Me: “What’s the problem?”
Student: “NO!”
Me: “There’s no problem?”
Student: “NO!”
Me: “Are you doing your work?”
Student: “NO!”
Me: “Are you going to do any work?”
Student: “NO!”
Me: “…Do you know any word other than ‘no’ today?”
Student: “NO!”
Me: “…Want some ice cream?”
Student: “NO! …Wait, what?”
Me: “Too late!”
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(I teach a Grade 8 class that other teachers brand as “tough” because of the students, although I get along fine with them. Note that I am gay, and my students are aware of this. Each day, I start with a “Youtube of the Day,” where they can show a video to the class as long as I okay it. One morning, one of the “tough guy” kids comes up to me.)
Tough Guy: “Can I show my video this morning?”
Me: “I haven’t seen it. You know you have to send it to me first.”
Tough Guy: “Please? It’s a music video. I really want to show it, and I know you’ll like it.”
(Note: this student is really into rap and hip-hop, and has sung some songs before that are a little off-colour.)
Me: “I shouldn’t be doing this, but okay. Please tell me it’s appropriate.”
Tough Guy: “It is. I promise.”
(He proceeds to load up the video. It turns out to be the music video for “Same Love” by Macklemore, song whose message is to stand up against homophobia. It is a beautiful video.)
Tough Guy: “I told you you’d like it.”
Tough Guy’s Friend: “That was for you, Mr. [my name]!”
(The class cheered and I cried. I love those kids so very much!)
