Teacher: “Draw a picture of a spaceship.”

(Ten minutes later, the teacher walks around the classroom. The majority of students have drawn round flying saucers or Star Wars-type spaceships. However, one student has drawn a refrigerator.)

Teacher: “A refrigerator? That’s most certainly not a spaceship!”

Student: “Well, if the TARDIS, which is both a spaceship and time machine, looks like a police box, why can’t a spaceship look like a refrigerator?”

Teacher: *confused*

(This teacher didn’t know about Doctor Who but after this incident she got hooked. Same as some of the other students!)

(Note: our Global Studies teacher has been treating us like we’re stupid all year.)

Teacher: “Today we will be discussing ‘unintended consequences.’ Can anyone tell me what an unintended consequence is?”

(The class collectively rolls their eyes; no one says anything.)

Me: *sarcastically* “Uh… consequences that are not intended?”

Teacher: “Exactly right! Can you repeat that for those who weren’t listening?”

Me: “…”

(Our math class is divided into groups for an assignment where we have to take clippings from the newspaper. I am the only girl in the group. Near the end of the assignment, I realize that the guys haven’t kept notes about where they found their articles.)

Me: “Okay, so we’ve got our problems done, but we need to go back and find the articles so we can do citations.”

Guy #1: “Oh, we’ll just make something up. It’s not like she’s going to check or anything.”

Guy #2: “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

Me: “Well, I’d rather have the correct citations, but if you can make them seem believable, I guess we can make that work…”

(Our next meeting is the day before the assignment is due. None of the citations are done. Note that I volunteered to put everything together at the end.)

Me: “I thought you guys were going to make citations for these.”

Guy #2: “Well, we figured since we were going to make them up anyway, you could just do it when you put everything together.”

Me: “But I don’t have time to make up all of your citations. I don’t even know what papers these are from!”

Guy #1: “Well then just leave it blank.”

Me: “But—”

Guy #1: “I’ve got stuff to do today. Are we done?”

Me: “No! We need to figure this out!”

Guy #1: “Well, good luck with that.”

Guy #2: “Yeah, see ya!”

(I spend all night creating citations for every article. When it comes time to put everything together, I decide to pick the most girly binder I own: pastel rainbow with glitter. When I get to class, I put the binder on the professor’s desk before the guys come in. She calls us up after class.)

Professor: “So, you all looked this over before you turned it in?”

Guy #1: “Yep. It was a group effort.”

Professor: “And you agreed to the rainbow, glitter binder?”

Guy #1: “…Yeah.”

Professor: “Well then. I have to say, it certainly stands out from the others.”

(The professor called them on their lie. I got an A on the project—they did not.)

(The teacher has given us a paper listing students’ current grades to be passed around while he lectures. About half way into the lesson…)

Student: “Where’s the grade sheet at?”

Teacher: “You don’t end a sentence with a preposition.”

Student: “Okay. Where’s the grade sheet at NOW?”

(My fiancé and I are English teachers in China. One day, while we’re in our office with our Foreign Affairs director, a male student walks in.)

Student: “Excuse me… um… may I… uh… ask you a… question?”

Fiancé:: “Sure, [student’s name]. What do you need?”

Student: “You… help me, my English?”

Fiancé:: “Of course! Any time! When would you like to study? You can come to our apartment later, we have an office in there.”

Student: “Oh, thank you! Can I try… different question?”

Me: “Go right ahead! Ask whatever you’d like! It’s good practice!”

Student: “Oh, thank you! ”

(He thinks very hard for a moment, trying to think of what to say. He finally turns to my fiancé.)

Student: “Can I… uhh… sleep… with you?”

(My fiancé’s face goes pale and, though I try to keep my composure, I start to giggle a little. The Foreign Affairs director, who is the only one in our town with good English, suddenly realizes what the student has said.)

Director: “OH! He wants to know if he can stay at your apartment overnight to help him study!”

(The student at this point looks VERY confused. The Foreign Affairs Officer explains to the student what he said in Chinese; he turns very red once he realizes it.)

Student: “Oh…OH! NO! No, no, no!”

Fiancé:: “It’s okay; I know what you meant. You can come over to study, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to stay with us all night.”

(By this point I’m laughing uncontrollably. The student did come over for that study session, and we made some progress!)