(We’re in the middle of a math’s lesson. Our teacher is explaining what the word ‘exponential’ means.)

Teacher: “So, you start off with a number…”

(He writes it on the board in black marker pen.)

Teacher: “…and you have a gap before the next number in the sequence…”

(He writes that on the board as well, a few inches away from the first.)

Teacher: “…and because the sequence grows exponentially, the gap to the NEXT number gets bigger…”

(He writes that on the board, a greater distance away.)

Teacher: “…and bigger…”

(He writes this one on the very edge of the board.)

Teacher: “…And BIGGER…”

(This one he walks several paces and writes it upon the wall!)

Teacher: “…AND BIGGER….”

(He opens the door, walks out into the corridor and around the corner. There’s a brief pause as he writes, and then we hear another, distant, “…AND BIGGER!”, as he continues down the walls. After a few seconds he walks back in, calmly closes the door and addresses the class.)

Teacher: “So, ‘exponential’. The gaps between the numbers keep getting bigger and bigger. See? Easy!”

(The class gawp in stunned silence, not sure as to what they have just witnessed. Apparently oblivious to our confusion, our teacher then goes back to the door, opens it just a crack, and peers through.)

Teacher: “…yeah, I’ll probably get away with that. The last number I was writing was on the window to [another teacher’s] classroom. He thought I was waving at him, and he waved back.”

(My history class is in the library, working on a project. The teacher is well liked, and will often joke around with the students. The two of us are good friends, so a lot of the time he will pull a small prank on me.)

Teacher: “Okay class is finished. Line up at the door to pray before you head to lunch.”

(After we pray he turns to us again.)

Teacher: “Okay [my name] can leave first for getting the highest score on the last test.”

Me: “Oh, cool. Thanks [teacher’s name].”

(I walk out the doors and start jogging to the lunchroom.)

Teacher: “Wait! Come back!”

Me: “Huh?”

(I walk back into the library, and he asks if he can take something back from inside my bag.)

Teacher: “I put the library’s ‘Girl’s Life’ magazine in your bag when you weren’t looking. I said you could go first because I wanted the alarm to go off in front of the class. I can’t believe that didn’t work. ”

Librarian: “Thank you for showing us that that door’s alarm is broken. I’ll be back with the rope to block it off.”

(At this point, the class is snickering at the failed plan.)

Teacher: “I STILL can’t believe that didn’t work…”

(A first grader is admiring my rings.)

First Grader: “Are these very expensive?”

Me: “Not really.”

First Grader: “Did your boyfriend buy them for you?”

Me: “Nope, I bought them with my own money.”

First Grader: “When I grow up, and I have lots and lots of money, I’ll buy you a really expensive ring.”

Me: “Aww, thank y—”

First Grader: “…but you’ll probably be dead by then.”

(My class is reading ‘Romeo and Juliet’, and we’re just getting used to the play format.)

Teacher: “All right, my first class asked about this. I forgot to mention it to my second class, but I remembered to tell you guys. Do you know the difference between exit and exeunt?”

(There is a long pause, before a student has a go.)

Student: “Uh, an exit is just a normal exit, and an exeunt is a FABULOUS exit.”

(I’m on a research trip through my school, but my group gets stuck at the airport due to missing a connecting flight. Luckily, one of the professors on the trip has a sister that lives in the area who is kind enough to let us stay at her house while we wait for the next flight out. This particular professor teaches anatomy. Most of us students are downstairs when we hear someone racing down the stairs.)

Professor: “I’m a uterus!”

(The professor has a pink striped bed sheet over her head. We look at her with confused looks on our faces.)

Professor: “I’m a uterus! See this is the endometrium—” *she grabs the sheet* “—these are the fallopian tubes—” *points to her arms* “—and these are the ovaries!” *waves her hands over her head*