(I am a high school biochemistry teacher. My students are working on a yeast metabolism experiment, and a group of kids are whispering to one of their members to ask me something.)
Me: “Hey, guys. Ask me what?”
Student: “Um… okay. I was wondering… can you get a yeast infection from eating bread?”
Me: “Uh … wrong species, and wrong infection route.”
Student: “Unless you’re really bad at eating bread.”
(Our high school band is planning a department trip to Puerto Rico.)
Director: “Good news, everyone! We’ve made it through another layer of bureaucracy, which means we’re closer to Puerto Rico!”
Student: “‘Layer’? How many layers are there?”
Director: “Oh, well, bureaucracy is like an onion. You have to peel through layer after layer after layer, and you’re crying the whole way through.”
(I am sitting and waiting for an English class to start. Since the teacher is very intense, many of us often review our reading while we wait.)
Classmate #1: “For some reason, George Herbert’s name makes me think of Humpty Dumpty.”
Classmate #2: “That poem never made sense to me. ‘All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put Humpty together again.’ What were the horses gonna do? They don’t know how to use glue.”
(Cue everyone’s horrified expressions as we collectively realize the relation between horses and glue.)
This story is part of our Poetry roundup!
(I work in our university’s IT department, which also maintains three computer labs on campus of which two are in the library. All of our lab computers use software known as ‘Deep Freeze’ which, upon re-start, completely resets a computer’s settings, registry, and wipes saved data. The background of every machine, and various signs, tell users to ‘Save often!’. A young student approaches the lab help desk.)
Student: “I was upstairs working on my paper for the last six hours, and now it’s gone!”
Me: “Which station are you working at?”
Student: “One on the 4th floor.”
(I follow her to our 4th floor lab, and we head to her station.)
Me: “So, describe what happened.”
Student: “I was working on my paper and needed to go to the bathroom. When I came back the screen was dark, so I held the button down.”
(The student points to the CPU’s power button.)
Me: “Did you save your work to a flash drive, or e-mail it to yourself?”
Student: “No. Why? I should have to do that!”
(I explain Deep Freeze to her, show her the desktop background warnings, and the signs we have around the lab.)
Student: “I shouldn’t be expected to read! Get my paper back!”
Me: “There’s one thing left to try, but I doubt it will work.”
(I open the word processor, and attempt to access the auto-recovery section, which is blank as I knew it would be.)
Me: “I’m very sorry, but your paper is gone. Are you sure you didn’t save it to a drive or online document storage?”
Student: “No! I don’t know these computer things. You’re not being helpful! You will call my professor and tell him you lost my paper! I want your manager!”
(I get the name of her professor,.who teaches in Computer Information Systems; the kicker is he doesn’t teach lower division classes!)
Professor: “Now class, I know you all learned about the Holy Roman Empire in high school. What do you remember?”
(The class is silent.)
Professor: “That’s okay; I’ll give you a hint. Do you remember learning about Charles Mengie?”
(The name does not sound familiar, and certainly does not sound like it is from that time period.)
Professor: “Come on! Charles Mengie, what kind of school doesn’t teach you about Charles Mengie! You all must have not paid attention; I know you learned about him! Charles Mengie!”
(The professor gives up, and writes his name on the board. Immediately, the light bulb goes off in all of us upon seeing how it is spelled.)
Me: “Professor, did you mean Charlemagne?”
Professor: “I guess that’s another way you can pronounce it… Charles Mengie!”
