(I’m in the sixth grade. I sit down with my friend in my first science class of the year. My teacher enters shortly after. After a brief introduction, he starts a little speech.)

Teacher: “Kids these days; you’ve all been taught the wrong things by your elementary school teachers.”

(The teacher takes out some matches, water, and a $20 bill.)

Teacher: “Why does water put out fire?”

Student: *raises hand* “Water puts out fire because the fire needs ox—”

Teacher: “WRONG!” *lights $20 bill on fire, then pours water on it* “Water doesn’t put out fires because it stops fueling oxygen to the flames. It works because the great god Ahura Mazda says it works!” *takes a paper plane and throws it to the back of the room* “Aerodynamics don’t work because of the laws you’ve all been taught. It works because the great god Ahura Mazda SAYS it works!”

(At this point, everyone’s convinced he’s either completely nuts, or they’ve caught on like I have.)

Me: *whispering to friend* “This guy’s nuts… I like it.”

Teacher: *regains composure* “See what I just told you? Forget it. I was lying. That’ll teach you not to believe everything an adult will tell you.”

(I walk into a classroom and see one table ready.)

Me: *pointing to that table* “Ten points to Gryffindor for being ready!”

Kids: “Yay!”

Me: “You know the points mean nothing, right?”

Kids: “Who cares? We have 10 of them!”

(I am a volunteer working at a government funded program that offers free English-as-Second-Language classes to adult immigrants. As it is a day-time class, most of the students are young stay-at-home-moms or retirees. The students usually communicate in one-word utterances, rather than full sentences. The teacher is taking the attendance.)

Teacher: “[Student #1]? Where is [Student #1]?”

Class: “[Student #1] no school today.”

Teacher: “Oh? Why?”

Class: “Husband come China.”

Teacher: “Her husband came over from China?”

Class: “Yeah. Yeah.”

Teacher: “So? Her husband is not a baby! Why does she need to stay home? She doesn’t need to take care of a husband!”

Class: *laughs*

Student #2: *smiles mischievously and winks* “Bed time.”

(The class erupts into laughter and the teacher starts blushing furiously.)

Teacher: “Okay! I can’t argue with that!”

(It still amazes me how someone who can barely string a few words together to communicate can still find humor and joke around in a language they aren’t familiar with. It’s moments like these that convince me that teaching ESL is something that I want to pursue.)

(I am in my junior year of high school. A fellow student has just died on campus due to sudden cardiac failure. As you might expect, this is a shock to everyone, and his close friends are really torn up. It is my first class after lunch, about three hours after the student has died. A tone plays to indicate a school announcement through the PA.)

Announcement: “Due to the death of [Student Name], we have brought in counselors to assist those students struggling with the loss. The counselors are available in the library and any student can come to the library at any time.”

(Several of my fellow students get up to go to the library, as they are really shaken up.)

Teacher: “Where are you all going? The class has not ended yet.”

Student #1: “We are going to the library.”

Teacher: “I didn’t tell you that you can go to the library; now sit down!”

Student #2: “[Name] was our close friend, and we really need to go talk to someone. The announcement said we can go any time.”

Teacher: “I don’t care what the announcement said; sit down now!”

(The small group of students continue towards the door.)

Teacher: “If you leave this classroom without my permission, I will fail you all! You will not be allowed back in!”

(This has the opposite effect, as now more students get up in support of the students leaving, and then more, until the entire class is gone. The students who need it go to the library, but the rest of us go to the office. The vice principal is very surprised we are all there. We explain what happened. We are told to stay in the office until our next class, or go to the library. The next day we find out that the teacher has been suspended!)

(I am playing with some of the kindergartners I teach when one comes over to give me a drawing.)

Me: “Thank you! I’ll put it on my wall when I get home!”

Other Kid: “You have a HOME!?”

(I have to walk off since I am laughing too hard to speak.)