Of Saur-ing Aspirations And Job Rex-pectations

| Learning | April 12, 2013

(A student is reading a book about a girl trying to decide what she wants to be when she grows up. We finish and begin talking about the story.)

Me: “Which of these jobs would you like to have when you grow up?”

Student: “Dinosaur.”

Me: “Um, which of the jobs in the book would you want to have?”

Student: “DINOSAUR!”

Me: “Um…?”

(After some guidance, he later changed his answer to ‘astronaut’.)

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It Was A Cownjugal Visit

| Learning | April 12, 2013

(I am a high school science teacher.)

Student: “Sperm stands for something, right?”

Me: “No, dude. You make sperm!”

Student: “But it could still stand for something!”

Me: “Oh yeah? Like what?”

Student: “Uh… Somebody… Please… Enter… Respectively… Moo?”

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Answering To A High School-er Power

| Learning | April 11, 2013

(It’s my first year teaching high school. One of my students is incapable of turning in assignments or accepting anything I say without audible commentary.)

Me: “Your assignment was due last week. It’s a zero.”

Student: “But Mr. [my name], I had two soccer games so I couldn’t do it!”

Me: “I’m not going to argue with you. Games are not an excuse. It was on the homework page. It’s time for class, and you’re interrupting. Sit down and be quiet; the discussion is over.”

(I turn back to the board.)

Student: *stage whispers* “God!”

Me: “‘Mr. [my name] will be quite sufficient, [student’s name].”

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Practice What You Teach

| Learning | April 11, 2013

Professor: “It is extremely important that you cite your work! I will not tolerate plagiarism!”

Student: “How do you want the papers to be cited? MLA? APA?”

Professor: “As long as you don’t take peoples’ work without crediting it, I am fine with whatever style. I am a stickler for plagiarism!”

(After going over the syllabus, she starts the first part of lecture.)

Professor: “Oh by the way, I copied and pasted some information on the internet to make this PowerPoint.”

Student: “Can you give us the site to study off of later?”

Professor: “Oh, I don’t remember what it was; just some random website that I copied!”

(Needless to say, she got even more ridiculous as the semester went on.)

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This Mini-Monarch Doesn’t Need Tudor-ing In History

| Learning | April 11, 2013

(I am a second grade teacher. One of my students, an exceptionally bright young boy, runs up to me at recess with a huge grin.)

Me: “Hey, [student]! What are you playing?”

Student: “Henry VIII!”

Me: “Oh? How do you play Henry VIII?”

Student: *hugs me* “I love you!”

Me: “Oh, sweetie. I love you, t—”

Student: *interrupts* “Just kidding! Off with your head!”

(Best. Game. Ever.)

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