(Our biology professor is very easily annoyed. A very loud student has been disrupting the class for over half an hour.)

Loud Student: “Hey, professor—”

Professor: “You are an asthmatic duck flying backwards.” *goes on with lesson*

(I have an English teacher who I regularly speak with after school. I am telling him about a problem I am having with my Spanish teacher.)

Me: “[English Teacher], you wouldn’t believe it. [Spanish Teacher] claimed that she caught me cheating! She gave me detention and a zero on the quiz!”

English Teacher: “That doesn’t sound like you at all. You’re in the honor program! Plus, I’ve only ever heard good things about you from other teachers.”

Me: “What do I do about [Spanish Teacher]? She won’t let me retake the quiz. God, she’s such a—” *I stop myself before I say something bad and get in trouble*

English Teacher: “Yeah, I know. She’s such a f****** b****.”

Me: “Oh, my god.”

English Teacher: “But, really. She totally is.”

Me: “I don’t know how to respond to that.”

English Teacher: “I needed to get that off my chest. I’ll talk to her if you promise not to tell anyone I said that.”

Me: “Deal.”

(He ended up talking to my Spanish teacher about it. I was able to retake the quiz after school the next day.)

(After two years at one school, I’ve decided to transfer to one closer to my house so I can have a shorter commute. One of the teachers who wrote my recommendation for the new school approaches me after class one day.)

Teacher: “I wanted to give you my contact information, since I’m leaving the school as well this year. If you ever want a college recommendation, please call me.”

Me: “Thank you! I will!”

(I’m especially touched by this because for the first half of freshman year, I couldn’t figure out what she wanted in a paper. It took until my paper in the middle of December for me to get an A and after that, I got an A on every one of my papers. She is also the only teacher who looked at my social behavior and suggested that I had clinical depression. The rest just told my parents that I was unlikable. Fast forward two years…)

Me: “I was hoping you could write me a recommendation, since you were my favorite teacher.”

Teacher: “Of course! Just give me the names and addresses where you want it sent.”

(A couple of months later, I got into my first-choice school. The admissions officer that we had met mentioned that it was thanks to my personal essay on depression and the teacher’s recommendation. The teacher had left the school to teach at Harvard and got me into college by saying that I was the most talented writer she’d ever taught and if that school didn’t want me, she wanted me to apply to Harvard instead!)

(My history teacher has always been known for his unorthodox teaching methods. Lately, we have been studying the corruption in the Catholic Church that led to the Reformation.)

Teacher: “Hey, guys! Before we get started I’d just like to tell you that the vice principal will be coming in later to share some information on a new fundraiser.”

(He then continues to run the class normally.)

Teacher: “Okay, class. Pop quiz!”

(He quickly hands out sheets of paper. I realize quickly that I have never even heard of the majority of the terms, which refer to dates and other specifics of the Reformation, and conclude that I must have been absent when the information was taught. However, another student quickly stands up.)

Student #1: “Excuse me, [Teacher], but I was absent when you taught this.”

Teacher: “No, you weren’t. In fact, the entire class was there! You must not have been paying attention.”

Student #1: “But—”

Teacher: “Sit down.”

(We finish the quiz and grade it, everyone failing horribly.)

Teacher: “Wow, you guys did horrible! Too bad it’s 50 percent of your grade.”

(Everyone freaks out, although I start to grow suspicious. The vice principal turns up as had been announced.)

Teacher: “Ah, [Vice Principal]! Thank you for joining us!”

Vice Principal: “Thank you, [Teacher]. Due to the recent levy being rejected, our school has been massively under-budgeted. Therefore, in order to allow our school to remain open we have introduced a new fundraiser to our school. Basically, for every dollar you donate, your grade point average will go up by one point in a class. Those who wish to donate may leave IOUs in place of cash.”

(The entire class rushes to their feet to donate, filling out IOUs as fast as possible. I remain in my seat, having a feeling I know where this is going. One student especially sticks out as he rushes forward desperately.)

Student #2: *pulls out $100 in cash and gives it to the vice principal* “Will this be enough?”

(My teacher bursts out laughing.)

Teacher: “Well, this was fun. Now we know why it would be so tempting to try to use bribes to get yourselves into heaven, which is, in part, what began the corruption that lead to the Reformation. Thanks, [Student #2], for illustrating that for us.”

Student #2: “Ooh! That makes a lot more sense!”

(It turns out the teacher had staged the whole thing. Even now, years later, he’s still my favorite teacher.)

(Today is the first day of the course. As in most colleges and universities, my school follows the policy where if the professor doesn’t show after 15 minutes, the students are allowed to leave without fear of being penalized. Despite my professor being a no-show for more than 15 minutes, only one student has left the classroom. Suddenly, a man gets up from his desk from the back of the room and makes his way to the professor’s desk.)

Man: “Hello, everyone! I’m the professor for this course. I was actually testing you all to see if anyone would leave before the 15 minute mark. Congrats, you all pass!”

(At this point, he begins to empty his bag on the desk and fiddle around with the computer. After a moment or two, while he starts to arrange a pile of papers, everyone begins to take out their supplies again. This continues for a good five minutes.)

Man: “Right! Sooo…”

(All of a sudden, he quickly gathers all of his things, jams them back into his bag, and says:)

Man: “Nope. JK, peeps! I’m not the professor. I have no idea where he is. SEE YA!”

(The man walked right out! We sat in stunned silence until a teacher’s aide came in minutes later and informed us that the professor had called in and cancelled class.)