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Stories from school and college

Got The Bully In Your Cross-Hairs

| Learning | February 25, 2014

(When I start secondary school there’s a girl who likes to bother me: stealing my books, annoying me in lessons, etc. One day she comes up to me and grabs my hair, which is about waist length.)

Girl: “Woah, your hair is so funny!”

Me: “Let go of my hair, [Girl].”

Girl: *ignoring me* “I mean, how do you brush it? It’s really weird.”

(I remember at this point that I’m holding my pencil case. I take out my scissors and calmly cut off the chunk of hair she’s holding.)

Girl: *screams*

(She drops the hair immediately and runs off. After that she never bothered me again!)

A Comeback Rears Its Ugly Head

| Learning | February 25, 2014

(I am in art class and the teacher is showing us a drawing that a student of hers had done 20 years earlier as an example for the exercise. This teacher is a bit cranky and is not known for her fun side.)

Teacher: “Any questions?”

Student: “I don’t get it. Why would you keep something that ugly for 20 years?”

Teacher: “Your mother kept you, didn’t she?”

Some Classes You Just Have To Sit Through

| Learning | February 25, 2014

(My economics class can be raucous at times. I am sitting Indian style (when you sit with your knees bent, legs crossed and feet resting against your thighs). A student is quite confused about the way I am sitting.)

Student: “Dude, how are you sitting like that?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Teacher: “What are you two talking about? You’re supposed to be taking notes.”

Student: “[My Name] is sitting weird.”

(The teacher walks over and notices my feet aren’t on the ground and currently are in my lap.)

Teacher: “Yeah, how do you put your feet like that, [My Name]?”

(I now have the entire class’s attention.)

Me: “Well…” *untucking both feet and putting them on the floor* “I start by crossing one leg. And then I put my second leg on top of the other. Voila, you’re done!”

(By the time I am finished everyone in the class is trying this, without success.)

Student: “Dude, how do you do that? Every time I try it hurts.”

Teacher: “Want to know what it looks like to me? It looks like he’s riding a magic carpet.”

(The first thing that pops in to my mind is the song ‘Magic Carpet Ride’ from ‘Aladdin.’ I start singing it to the teacher.)

Me: *horribly off key* “I can show you the world!”

(I freeze because I forget the rest of the words.)

Teacher: “Come on. You can keep singing.”

Me: “I forgot the words.”

Teacher: “So, you’re done, then?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teacher: “Okay, class. Back to work!”

It’s No Trouble

| Learning | February 24, 2014

(I’m well-known for being good friends with all of the teachers. As a result, I’m never punished for missing homework or showing up late. I’m sat with one of my friends in our English lesson with one of the more offensive bullies beside me.)

Me: *quietly, to my friend* “I’m serious, [Friend]. I’m never in trouble for anything. It’s so weird.”

Friend: “I bet you could punch a kid and get away with it. That’s how much the teachers like you.”

(At this point, the bully beside me begins to make sexist comments while jabbing me in the side with his pencil. I turn to him.)

Me: “Get your bloody pencil off me!”

Bully: “You gonna make me, b****?”

(This continues. Finally getting sick of him I whack him over the head with my ruler, sending the nearby boys into uproar. I look up and see the teacher turning away hurriedly.)

Bully: *to the teacher* “Miss! Miss! [My Name] just hit me with her ruler!”

(The teacher looks at me, then to the bully.)

Teacher: “Don’t be stupid. [My Name] would never do that.”

Bully: “But she did, Miss! Didn’t you see her?!”

Teacher: “I have had enough of your attitude. Move seats and leave poor [My Name] alone.”

(The bully slinks away to another seat, and my friend whispers to me.)

Friend: “I know I said you’d get away with that, but I didn’t actually mean it!”

Not So Punchy Punch Line

| Learning | February 24, 2014

(I am new to the school, having just moved. Most of my classmates have not only been going to school together since kindergarten but, since it’s a special gifted program, have been in the same class for a few years. We’re in the library for a study period and this is the first time I’m meeting the librarian at the start of the year. She is making some announcements about computer availability and some library rules.)

Librarian: “And unfortunately that while you will have the pleasure of my presence, I regret to inform you that I resolve this year not to tell any jokes to this class anymore.”

Student #1: “Why?”

Librarian: “Because it got really tiresome last year to tell a joke, have everyone laugh, and then have to wait 10 minutes for [Student #2] to start laughing.”

(Everyone laughs but me, and one other girl. Then a few minutes later, I discovered that she was Student #2, as she suddenly started laughing after we had started on an activity.)

Student #2: “Oh, ‘cause I’m slow to get the joke! That’s funny!” *giggles*

(Student #2 and I became friends! It turns out she’s brilliant, but not always paying attention, and liked to affect stupidity. It was an interesting introduction to my new classmates.)