Stories from school and college

Thankfully, These Students Have No Hidden Agender

| Learning | July 2, 2013

(I am tutoring a group of fourth and fifth graders. I’m female.)

Me: “Okay, guys. Just to let you know, I will not be here on Friday. I am taking the day off.”

Student #1: “What? You’d rather be somewhere else than here with us?”

Me: “Well, if you must know… it’s my anniversary on Friday.”

(The students of course loudly react. After shushing them, I explain a bit further, trying to be vague so I can have privacy.)

Me: “I’m not married. But it is the second anniversary of our first date.”

Student #2: “Does he live with you?”

Me: *finally deciding to bite the bullet* “No, she does not live with me.”

Student #3: “You have a girlfriend?”

Me: “Yes. I do. And we’re not going to talk about it anymore because it’s not important.”

(We go on with the activity for awhile.)

Student #4: “So…”

Me: “Yes, [Student #4]?”

Student #4: “Is your girlfriend a boy or a girl?”

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A Ban On The Banner, A Fan Of The (Wayne) Manor

| Learning | July 2, 2013

(My professor is going to have a baby boy soon.)

Professor: “Now, who can tell me what radiation is?”

Student: “It’s what made the Hulk!”

Professor: “No! We don’t talk about the Hulk. That’s bad science. He’s my least favorite Avenger, because mass doesn’t work that way. No.”

Me: “But you said you were naming your baby Bruce!”

Professor: *looks me dead in the eye* “Batman.”

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Not Taught Because We Caught It From A Tot

| Learning | July 2, 2013

(As a class of 15-17 year olds filters into the room, we notice a four-year-old girl running around the room.)

Student: “Uhm, ma’am? Who is the girl?”

Teacher: “Oh, this is my daughter! Annie, say hello to my students!”

(She says hello to several students and tries to hug a few.)

Student: “Why is she here today, anyway?”

Teacher: “Oh, she’s not allowed back at pre-school until next week when her pink eye clears up. The babysitter wouldn’t come watch her either, so I figured I’d bring her here with me!”

(A week goes by.)

Teacher: “Holy cow, look at this room! We’re starting a new vocabulary unit and nearly half the class is missing! Where in the world have they gone?”

Me: “They all got pink eye from your daughter.”

Teacher: “I guess they’re gonna have to get notes from the rest of you. We’re having a test about this next Thursday!”

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A Ban On The Banner, A Fan Of The (Wayne) Manor

, , , , | Learning | July 2, 2013

(My professor is going to have a baby boy soon.)

Professor: “Now, who can tell me what radiation is?”

Student: “It’s what made the Hulk!”

Professor: “No! We don’t talk about the Hulk. That’s bad science. He’s my least favorite Avenger, because mass doesn’t work that way. No.”

Me: “But you said you were naming your baby Bruce!”

Professor: *looks me dead in the eye* “Batman.”

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Mentally Checked Out

, | Learning | July 1, 2013

(I am studying in the library, but have brought my own textbook from home, as this particular book is very popular and often all the library copies are in use or checked out.)

Student: “Hey. Are you done with that book? I can’t find a copy on the shelf.”

Me: “Um, actually I’m still using it, and anyway, it’s my copy, not the library’s.”

Student: “You’re not using it! It’s just sitting there closed on the table. Give it to me!”

Me: “I need it for the assignment I am just about to start, even if I am not using it right now. And as I said, it is my personal copy, not a library book, and I wouldn’t lend it to a rude stranger even if I wasn’t using it.”

Student: “You can’t hog all the books!”

(He storms off, only to return with the librarian in tow).

Librarian: “I’m sorry, but this student was saying you wouldn’t let him use a book you were finished with? The books here are for all students to use, so if you’re done with it, could you let him use that copy?”

Me: “As I already explained to him, I’m not done using the book, and also, it is my personal copy from home, not a library book.”

(I show her the cover and the spine, so she can see it has no barcode or sticker and is indeed not a library book.)

Librarian: “Oh, sorry to bother you then.” *to other student* “I’m afraid it is her book, but I can help you look on the shelf for a copy of it, or put one on reserve for you.”

Student: “No! She has a copy of it right there! Why can’t I use that one? Make her give it to me!”

Librarian: “You can’t use it because it is her book. She purchased it. She owns it, not the library. I can’t make her give you her private property to use.”

Student: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s mine.”

Student: *grabs pile of library books off table* “Well, then, these are MINE, if you can just claim any book you like!”

Me and Librarian: “It doesn’t work like that.”

Student: “MINE!”

(The student ran out of the library with the books, setting off the alarm.)

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