(We are on a field trip to a court room in the late 1980s.)

Bailiff: “All rise for the Honorable Michael J. Fox.”

Judge: “Okay, everyone. Thanks for coming today. Let’s start with any questions you might have.”

Me: *really excited* “Were you named after the actor?”

Judge: “Uh, well, since he was born approximately 30 years after me, I think it’s probably a safer bet to say he was named for me!”

(I am in the 8th grade. I have transferred into a new set of classes, and am sitting next to my friend in science class. She often copies off of my papers, and, at the time, I don’t really care enough stop her. We are learning about the periodic table of elements and we have just turned in our worksheets.)

Teacher: “[My Name], [Friend], please come see me.”

(We both go up, confused. The teacher looks at me first.)

Teacher: “Okay, [My Name]. You did pretty well, but where you were supposed to name an element after you, you were supposed to use your last name.”

Me: “Oh, oops.”

Teacher: “And [Friend], as honorable as it is to name an element after your friend, you’re going to need to sit next to someone else from now on.”

(It turns out she had copied my wrong answer without even reading the question!)

(It is during finals week. I’ve just handed students their test copies and answer sheets.)

Student: “Mr. [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Student: “If I don’t fill in an answer, does it count as wrong?”

(I’m teaching a class of kindergarten students how to read with some old ‘Dick and Jane’ books. They are taking turns reading individual sentences.)

Student: “See… Spot. See… Spot run.”

Student #2: “Run… Spot, run.”

Bored Student: “Spot has rabies. RUN, JANE, RUN!”

(The students actually believed that’s what it said! I had to escort him to the office, and the principal was actually just as amused by that as I was!)

(I’m in year 12, and I’m walking down the hall to the computer lab. I see a girl that I’ve spoken to once about our favourite show at the time. Two boys are picking on her, making horse noises because she has big lips. I also have big lips and hated them when I was young because I was always made fun of.)

Boy #1: *makes a braying noise* “Hey, horsey. Where ya goin?”

Boy #2: *brays* “Had lunch yet? I think I saw some hay out the back.”

(The girl starts to look upset, and I walk over to them.)

Me: “Oh, my god. Is that the best you can come up with?” *turning to the girl* “How many times have you heard that? You think they’d be able to think of something even slightly original.”

(The girl laughs and the boys start making fun of me.)

Boy #2: “Oh look, another horse. Geez, I thought this school was for humans.”

(Both boys laugh.)

Me: “So did I, but apparently they let pigs in, so why not horses?”

(I grab the girl’s arm and we walk away to the computer lab leaving the boys there looking dumbfounded for a response. She and I have been friends now for about 15 years!)