(A classmate is trying to get a soda from a vending machine. The machine not only refuses his coins, but his bills, so he starts to push and shake the machine in anger.)

Classmate: “Man, if I don’t get a soda I’m gonna go berserk here!”

(I use my debit card to buy it for him, which works.)

Classmate: “… So, the machine accepts the card, but not coins or bills? What the h***!?”

Me: “It must be full…”

(The classmate hands me the money for buying it.)

Classmate: “Thanks, man. You saved the day!”

Me: “More like I saved us from your…” *raises glasses* “Rage, against the machine.”

Random Passing Classmate: “YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

(It is the week after “The Lego Movie” has come out, and the kids have all been singing “Everything is Awesome,” a song from the soundtrack, off and on. A new little girl comes for her first day and joins right in.)

Teacher’s Assistant: “Man, it’s spreading.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s catchy. I had it stuck in my head for hours after leaving the theater.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “What?”

Me: “From The Lego Movie? It plays over the credits.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “It’s from a movie?!”

Me: “Well, yeah. Where did you think they all learned it?”

Teacher’s Assistant: “I just thought they were all really optimistic this week!”

This story is part of our Lego roundup!

Read the next Lego roundup story!

Read the Lego roundup!

(We’ve learned about the main exports of countries, and are now doing a random pick study for the test coming up. I’m a huge target in this class because I have a terribly short attention span. The teacher always tries to catch me off guard by picking me when I’ve lost focus. It’s all in good fun.)

Teacher: “Okay, [My Name]. What is the main export from Columbia?”

Me: *without missing a beat* “Cocaine.”

(Everyone freezes and turns to face me, and I realize what has happened.)

Me: “No, wait. It’s coffee! I meant coffee!”

(My senior year home room requires us to complete a daily journal using a prompt on the board. The question is usually a mind teaser or something philosophical. My teacher likes to come up with strange questions that would leave us scratching our heads.)

Teacher: “Okay guys! The journal question is on the board! Bring me your journals when you are finished!”

(The journal prompt reads: ‘”You are in a burning building. You have a paper clip, a pencil, and a sweat-sock. How do you get out?’)

Me: *quickly scribbles down answer* “All done! Here’s my journal!”

Teacher: *reads entry* “… You smart-a**.”

Student: “What?! What did she say?”

Teacher: “I’ll tell you once all the journals are turned in.”

(The last journal is turned in, and the class asks again what I wrote.)

Teacher: “She wrote that she used the door.”

(Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t automatically assume I was trapped!)

(We are reading ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ and discussing symbolism regarding what the main character’s going through. The teacher asks what a good metaphor for his emotional growth would be, but no one answers.)

Teacher: “I’ll give you a hint: boys go through more of these than girls—”

Classmate: “Wet dreams!”

(The entire class bursts out laughing.)

Teacher: “Oh, my goodness!”

(The answer was ‘growth spurts,’ by the way.)