(I am 13, and being bullied badly at my all-girls school. We had just got a handsome new handyman at school and since we are in the middle of nowhere and deprived of men most of the day, almost everyone girl in the school is going ga-ga at him. One day I am being insulted as I walk down the corridor by one of the school’s worst bullies. The handyman turns the corner, sees me, and ignoring all these girls, gives me a huge hug. All the girls’ jaws just drop, especially the bully’s.)

Bully: *sneering* “How do you know him? Is he your boyfriend or something?”

Me: “No. Actually, he’s my brother.”

Brother: *grinning* “And I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment.”

(From that day on, none of the girls laid a finger on me, and I passed through the next three years unscathed. We never told them that my brother was gay.)

(My class and I are on a field trip to the United Nations. We have all dressed up for the occasion to create a better impression, and most of us have brought our smartphones to take notes. As a result, we look like a group of wealthy kids who would rather be texting than pay attention.)

Tour Guide: “It’s completely fine if you don’t know this, but can anyone guess how many countries are in the UN?”

Classmate #1: “About 150.”

Tour Guide: “Not quite, but good try! It’s—”

Classmate #2: “193.”

(The guide seems very surprised we could know this, but moves on. A little while later, she quizzes us again.)

Tour Guide: “Can anybody think of an official language spoken here?”

Classmate #3: “English, of course. Also Russian—”

Me: “Arabic, French, Spanish—”

Classmate #4: “—and Mandarin Chinese.”

(Once again, our guide is impressed by our knowledge. Five minutes later…)

Tour Guide: “Now, this room is a really important part of the building, so feel free to take selfies of yourselves in here.”

Classmate #1: “Uh, we don’t take ‘selfies.'”

Tour Guide: “Why not!?”

Me: *mumbling* “Because we have better things to do with our time, like learning.”

(I finish my work early, so I take out some paper and start drawing.)

Teacher: *stares*

(Thinking I have more work to do, I start to put the drawing away.)

Teacher: “I like owls… and scorpions… Just hinting…” *walks away*

Me: “… Okay.”

Other Student: “Draw him an owl!”

(I teach at a large urban high school. As such, we have students from many different walks of life. This is one of the things I love about my school, and it also makes for some humorous moments such as this one.)

Girl #1: “Does anyone have a hair tie?”

Girl #2: *completely serious* “Why? You ’bout to fight somebody?”

Girl #1: “Um… no. I just want to put my hair up?”

(I’m in English class, and we’re about to watch a DVD. The lecturer has hit play, and gone to an empty desk at the back of the room, leaving the cursor on the play button, meaning the entire menu is still at the bottom of the screen, a peeve of mine.)

Me: *to friend of mine at the front* “Hey, move the mouse!”

(He does so, and the menu and cursor both disappear.)

Lecturer: “How did you do that!?”