Signs It’s Time For A Break

, | Ohio, USA | Learning | April 14, 2013

(In my sign language class, we are learning how to tell someone why we need to leave a pre-arranged meeting early, why we need to leave it immediately, or why we missed the last one. We get slips of paper explaining which one we are assigned, but we get to make up our own reasons.)

Teacher: “Alright, [my name], your turn.”

Me: *in ASL* “I have to leave class early today to go to the dentist.”

(The signs for ‘go’ and ‘fast’ are very similar.)

Teacher: “Actually, to say ‘go,’ instead of doing what you did, you need to do this.” *demonstrates the sign for ‘go’* “What you did was the sign for ‘fast.’ Alright, [Student #1], your turn.”

Student #1: *in ASL* “I need to leave class right now,; my brother just died.”

Teacher: “Well, how’d he die?”

Student #1: *in ASL* “I killed him.”

Teacher: “… [Student #2]?”

Student #2: *in ASL* “Sorry I missed the last class. I was on vacation in New York City.”

(This story obviously does not take place in New York City.)

Teacher: “Oh, really?”

Student #2: *in English* “Yeah, I’m still there, actually.”

Student #1: “Wait, how does—”

Student #2: “This is the hologram version of me.”

(Student #1 reaches over to touch Student #2, who backs away.)

Student #2: “Hey, the real me just came back! Gotta go!” *runs out of the classroom*

Student #1: “I need to go kill my brother.” *runs out of classroom, too*

Me: “And I need to see a fast dentist!” *also runs out of the classroom*

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On A Winning Streak

| Provo, UT, USA | Learning | April 14, 2013

(There is a kid in my class who is known for being a class clown. Because we live in a town with two colleges, we get a student teacher from January through April. This year, our teacher is a very attractive young female who the class clown has a crush on.)

Student Teacher: “Guys, I’m disappointed. I warned you that this was a very difficult paper to write. Over half of my last class failed because of my 10-point rule. It’s worth 200 points, so it is a huge part of your grade. I expected better.”

(My entire class starts freaking out as she passes out the papers.)

Class Clown: *repeating* “Please, please let me pass—”

(He stops as he sees his paper: a nice, big score of 180.)

Class Clown: “Excuse me.”

(The class clown stands up and takes off his shirt.)

Student Teacher: “Whoa! What do you think you’re doing?!”

Class Clown: “I am going streaking in the hallway. Bye.”

(My student teacher was too embarrassed to stop him. He was quickly stopped by the school officer, who was luckily right outside!)

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It’s Easy To Look Backwards When You Have Command Seating

| Storrs, CT, USA | Learning | April 13, 2013

Professor: “The people in Looking Backwards wouldn’t say things like, ‘Only good people drive Cadillacs.'”

Student: “If you’ve ever been stuck behind an Escalade, you know that’s not true anyway.”

Not Much Of A Kyacknowledgement

| Vancouver, Canada | Learning | April 13, 2013

(Our class is studying the ocean. We start off the unit by brainstorming all things we associate with the ocean while the teacher writes them on the board.)

Student #1: “Whales!”

Teacher: “Good, good, keep going.”

Student #2: “Kayaks!”

Teacher: “Excellent! What a great word!”

(She writes “kayak” on the board as K-Y-A-C-K.)

Me: “Miss [teacher’s name], isn’t “kayak” spelled K-A-Y-A-K?”

Teacher: “No, that’s not right.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure it is.”

Teacher: *gives me a dirty look* “Look it up in the dictionary while we continue.”

(I find ‘kayak’ in the dictionary, take it up to her, and point out the correct spelling. The teacher avoids looking at me as she responds.)

Teacher: “Hmph. Well that’s a funny way to spell it.”

(She erases ‘kyack’ and replaces it with ‘kayak’ and continues asking for more words. She never did apologize to me for telling me I was wrong!)

The Science Of Self-Incrimination

| Pennsylvania, USA | Learning | April 12, 2013

(I’m sitting in science class. The teacher mentions that he read something in the news about parents getting their pants in a bunch. It’s over their kids accessing porn sites by ‘accidentally’ stumbling upon it by looking up an innocent word like ‘lollypop.’)

Teacher: “I don’t know what the big fuss is about. My wife and I actually tried all last night to find something and all that came up were paid sites. I mean, unless these parents are giving their kids their credit cards, there’s no way the kids could have had access to this stuff.”

Me: *chuckles* “You’ve been searching under the wrong key words.”

(The entire class, including my teacher, turns and stares at me bug-eyed.)

Me: *head desk*

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