Due Tonight Vs. Do Tonight

, | Illinois, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I’m a librarian in a university library. It’s almost 5 PM and I’m getting ready to go home.)

Student: “Hi, I have a research paper and I don’t know how to find sources for it.”

Me: “Okay, what’s your topic?”

Student: “It’s [topic].”

Me: “That one might be tough to find a lot of information on. When is the paper due?”

Student: “Midnight.”

Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

Limping Through College

| Flint, MI, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

Customer: “Cool.”

Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “English, Math, Physics, Biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

Me: *looking at a course card* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

Customer: “Bro, you’re a life saver.”

Me: “I was kidding.”

Customer: “So, that’s not my book then?”

Somebody Failed Listening 101

| North Carolina, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(While waiting for his to-go food to arrive, a customer is making small talk with me about college.)

Customer: “So, what are you studying in school?”

Me: “Psychology, sir.”

Customer: “Why? That’s a stupid profession. You won’t go anywhere with that! All you’re doing is wasting Daddy’s money!”

Me: “Actually, sir, I am pay—”

Customer: “My daughter studied Psychology! She wasted all my money!”

Me: “Sir, I’m paying for my own college.”

Customer: “Dads always pay for college!”

Me: “Mine isn’t. I live alone and pay for my own schooling.”

Customer: “Whatever. Dads always pay!”

Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

(I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

Student: “Water, duh!”

(There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

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