Another Tragic Hair Disaster

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”

Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”

Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”

Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”

Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”

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A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Woes

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(My sister is doing a high school project at a grocery store where she has to interview the store manager. It’s in a shady part of town, so when she leaves her digital camera unattended for a few moments someone steals it. After alerting the security guard, he agrees to ask the customers in the store. The only people in the store at that time are my sister, the manager, my sister’s groupmates, a college student with an iPhone, and a few admittedly shabby-looking customers.)

Guard: *to the college student* “Excuse me, sir, can I inspect your bag? There’s a reported missing item.”

College Student: “I don’t have time for this! Those students should have taken better care of their belongings! I refuse to be searched!”

Guard: “But—”

College Student: “I’m a college student, for **** sake! Why would I steal a camera?!” *points to a shabby-looking customer*He’d have more reason to steal it! I refuse to waste my time for a bunch of kids who think their irresponsibility to take care of their camera makes them a priority!”

Guard: “Sir…when did I ever say the missing item was a camera?”

College Student: “I—”

Guard: “I’ll need to search your bag now, or if you’re in such a hurry, I can have your ID.”

(The college student consents and allows the guard to search his bag. Soon enough, the guard finds my sister’s camera.)

Guard: “Is this yours, ma’am?”

My Sister: “It is!”

College Student: “What the f***?! That’s mine! I’ll have it back now and be on my way, please!”

(The guard ignores the student and turns on the digital camera. The pictures show many pictures of my sister and her groupmates. There are also a few teenage pictures of my sister in that typical provocative teenage pose in front of the mirror while wearing a revealing two-piece. The college student turns paper white.)

College Student: “Oh, that camera! Yeah, I found it on the table someplace and I was going to return it, but totally forgot and—”

Guard: “Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?”

(In the end, my sister got her camera back and the college student was taken away by police. The guard got a raise!)

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No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof, Part 2

| Learning | March 12, 2013

(I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

 

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Goodbye, Dolly

, | Learning | March 12, 2013

Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Isn’t this [Town] High School?”

Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”

Customer: “How many seats are left?”

Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–

Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”

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Social Notworking

| Learning | March 12, 2013

Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

Me: “Are there people near you?”

Caller: “Um, yeah.”

Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

Caller: “How do I find that out?”

Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”

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