Don’t Speak Your Native Ach-tongue

| Hungary | Learning | March 25, 2013

Me: “Hi, I’m interested in learning to speak German.”

Teacher: “In that case, you should stop speaking English.”

Me: “Haha, okay—”

Teacher: “RIGHT NOW!”

Me: *alarmed* “Uh…”

Teacher: *stares at me angrily*

Me: “Um…”

Teacher: *slowly passes me a schedule, still looking furious*

Me: *in shaky German* “… Thank you?”

Teacher: *suddenly calm, also in German* “You are welcome. Have a nice day.”

(It turns out he was a nice teacher – albeit one with a very unusual sense of humor!)

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| Arizona, USA | Learning | March 25, 2013

(I am a fourth grade teacher and there is a guest speaker in our class talking about the dangers of tobacco.)

Speaker: “Do any of you have family members at home who smoke cigarettes?”

Student: *to boy behind him* “My dad smokes EVERYTHING!”

You Just Got Schooled

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(This happens to a coworker after having an issue with an order.)

Customer: “That took long enough. This is why you should have gone to college!”

Coworker: “I’m only 16.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have dropped out, then!”

Coworker: “I didn’t. I’m still in school.”

Customer: “I… uh… have a nice day.” *leaves embarrassed*


The Klass Of 2015

, , , , | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I’m working clearing, which is when we take in calls about students who are in their last ditch effort to get into the university.)

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to process your application now. Can I please take your first name?”

Student: “Yes. It’s…” *unintelligible speech*

Me: “Can you please spell that for me?”

Student: “Ugh, if I have to. It’s K…” *unintelligible*

Me: “Okay, can you repeat that for me? It starts with K?”

Student: “Yeah, you know. K as in Chicken.”

Freedom Of Screech

| North Carolina, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013

(I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”

Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”

Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”

Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

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