The Lion, The Witch, And The Tannenbaum

| New York, USA | Learning | April 10, 2013

(I’m a substitute teacher, and as long as the students get their work done, I’m pretty laid back. I also use some pop culture references to get a laugh out of students when I’m in a new class.)

Me: “If you want to work in pairs, that’s fine as long as you’re working diligently. Just keep the noise level conversational and don’t go wandering around the classroom. So, if you’re sitting up front and your friend is all the way in the back in Narnia, you can’t go visit them.”

Student: “I wanna go to Narnia!”

Me: “Well, there’s no wardrobe in here. Sorry.”

Student: “There’s a closet!”

Me: “It’s not the same as a wardrobe.”

Student: “I’m gonna try!” *gets up and runs to the closet*

Me: “Excuse me! Take a seat right now!”

Student: *opens closet and steps inside* “Oh my God!”

Me: “Please sit down or you’re going to the disciplinary office.”

Student: “There really is a Narnia in here!”

(By now, I’ve made it to the closet on the other side of the classroom. To my surprise, there is a fake Christmas tree, complete with fake snow, inside of the closet. I guess closets can get you to Narnia!)


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Why Cartesians Need To Coordinate With Cartography

| Wisconsin, USA | Learning | April 10, 2013

(I’m about to go on a high school exchange to Japan for a year. I’m required to mail them some homework to my math teacher in order to complete the semester I’d be missing.)

Me: “Hi, [math teacher!] I’m here to pick up my worksheets.”

Math Teacher: “Have fun in Japan and wherever else you go. Are you going drive across the border and explore China while you’re there? You really should while you can, young lady.”

(I was pretty embarrassed for him, so I stared at my shoes as I mumbled an awkward response.)

Me: “My host family doesn’t have any plans to fly there from the islands of Japan. I have to go.” *rushes out*

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This Teacher’s Logic Is Unquestionable

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Learning | April 10, 2013

(We’re starting some class work and we’re not allowed to talk to each other. Our teacher is sometimes very strict and doesn’t let us go out to use the washroom or get drinks. Normally this isn’t an issue, but today one of the most stuck-up girls in class starts having an obviously fake coughing fit.)

Stuck-Up Girl: “Ms. [teacher’s name], may I go get a drink of water?”

Teacher: “No. Continue with your work. Class is just about over.”

Stuck-Up Girl: “But I really need a drink!”

Teacher: “No.”

(The stuck-up girl restarts her fake coughing fit.)

Stuck-Up Girl: *dramatically* “But I have asthma! What if I die?!”

Teacher: “I think we can live with that.”

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Always Open For The Close-Minded

, | Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Learning | April 9, 2013

(I work at a college library that is open 24 hours during exam week only. At the start of the new semester, a continuing education student walks in.)

Student: “I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Student: “I came here at 2 am yesterday and no one let me in!”

Me: “Ma’am, no one was here.”

Student: “You’re lying! I was here at two in the morning in December!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am. However we only have a 24 hour—”

Student: “You’re lying to stay out of trouble! Ain’t you, f****** b****!?”

Me: “No, ma’am… I—”

Student: “You young people don’t know what it’s like having a job AND to be studying! You rich little b****! I’m gonna get you fired!”

Me: “Ma’am, actually—”

(At this point she goes off to the director of the library and starts yelling at her. After ten minutes of shouting, my boss finally responds to the angry woman.)

Boss: “I’m sorry you couldn’t see the clearly marked hours on our door, the handouts, or your student planner. However we can not force our student employees to work 24 hour shifts all semester seeing as they also need to study along with their jobs. Now please, refrain from cursing and leave my library!”

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I Sea The Class As Half Fool

| Maryland, USA | Learning | April 9, 2013

(I am studying in the student center when I overhear this conversation from the next table over.)

Girl #1: “How many oceans do we need to know for this test? I only know one!”

Girl #2: “I know. This is going to be so hard.”

Girl #1: “I’m going to fail. I wish it was multiple choice. At least if there were four choices, I’d have a 50-50 chance of getting it right!”

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