I Sea The Class As Half Fool

| Learning | April 9, 2013

(I am studying in the student center when I overhear this conversation from the next table over.)

Girl #1: “How many oceans do we need to know for this test? I only know one!”

Girl #2: “I know. This is going to be so hard.”

Girl #1: “I’m going to fail. I wish it was multiple choice. At least if there were four choices, I’d have a 50-50 chance of getting it right!”

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Assuming Makes An Essay Out Of You And Me

, | Learning | April 9, 2013

(I’m a teacher and decide to grab some fast food for lunch. I am wearing a large coat that makes me look overweight.)

Employee: “Welcome to—holy s***, dude! What’s a whale like you doing here? Surely you’ve had enough junk food?”

Me: “Charming. Either way, I’ll have a—”

Employee: “No! I refuse to serve someone as fat as you. Go join a gym or something!”

(At this point, I remove my coat and show him the ‘fat’ is actually toned muscle.)

Me: “I’ll tell you what,: you apologise, get me my food and I’ll—”

(I stop mid-sentence as I recognize the employee.)

Me: “Wait, you’re in my class aren’t you? In that case, I’m expecting a full essay about how to treat others and how to behave in a workplace on my desk the first thing Monday morning.”

(The employee’s face goes pale as he rushes through my order. Not only did I get to have a bit of fun, but he even came through and gave me a half decent essay on Monday!)

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Might I Suggest A (Stereo)Typewriter

| Learning | April 8, 2013

(I go to a tiny little private liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere. An older gentleman, clearly not a professor or a student, walks into the building looking confused.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

Older Gentleman: “Yeah, I need an Asian kid.”

Me: *taken aback “What?”

Older Gentleman: “Yeah, I need an Asian kid. My computer’s messed up and I need one of them Asian kids to come fix it!”

Me: “Uh… you should probably talk to someone in the administration building. It’s right next door.”

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OH-nly If You Wis-H2 Deto-Na-te

| Learning | April 8, 2013

(We are locating elements on the periodic table in my chemistry class. Note that sodium in its pure elemental form is toxic and combusts in contact with water, and is not to be confused with sodium chloride, AKA common table salt.)

Classmate: “Sodium? Is that the sodium that’s on like, a nutrition label?”

Me: “Not quite.”

Classmate: “So like, can you eat it?”

Me: *smirking* “Yes. Once.”

(The teacher snorts when she overhears this.)

Classmate: “I don’t get it!”

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It Was A Stache-steroid

| Learning | April 8, 2013

Teacher: “What happened 65 million years ago?”

Student #1: “The dinosaurs died.”

Teacher: “And why did the dinosaurs die?”

Student #2: “Chuck Norris.”

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