Her Tone Rings Hollow

| Lompoc, California, USA | Learning | April 16, 2013

(My class is working on homework before second period when someone’s phone randomly vibrates.)

Teacher: “Whose phone is vibrating?”

(I check my backpack and it’s not my phone. A few students also check their backpacks and find that their phones aren’t vibrating. The phone vibrates again.)

Teacher: “Whoever’s phone that is, can you please turn it off!?”

(Everyone looks around and the teacher gets very annoyed.)

Teacher: “For Christ’s sake, please turn off the d*** phone!”

(Everyone is now silently giggling and the teacher continues getting angry until the student helper points out the problem.)

Student Helper: “Mrs. [Name], it’s your husband calling you.”

(The teacher turns scarlet red and becomes wide-eyed while everyone laughs out loud.)

Teacher: “I’m sorry. If you’ll please excuse me…”

America The Bountiful

| New York, NY, USA | Learning | April 16, 2013

(My students are learning about the western hemisphere.)

Me: “Okay, let’s go over the continents. There’s—”

Student: “South America! North America!”

Me: “Good. And…Green—”

Student: “Green America!”

Pee-Wee Belt

| British Columbia, Canada | Learning | April 16, 2013

(In the martial arts school that I teach at, we often have to help the youngest students tie their belts before class.)

Student: “Teacher, can you help me tie my belt?”

Me: “Of course!”

(I kneel down, and as usual, I take my time and try to help the student learn to do it on their own. This is when I notice that the belt is wet.)

Me: “Oh! What happened to your belt? It’s all wet!”

Student: “I dropped it in the toilet!”

Brain Is Also Offline

| Ontario, Canada | Learning | April 15, 2013

(I work in a college residence. The Internet is down for the day so the college can upgrade their systems.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Student: “Hi. My Internet isn’t working.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the entire system is down for the day.”

Student: “When will it be up? If it won’t be for a while, I’ll need to go to a library or something.”

Me: “I’ve been hearing 8 pm, but I could transfer you to IT and they can give you more exact update.”

(At this point I realize that I don’t know where to find the number without access to our files, which are stupidly hosted on the server.)

Me: “Oh, I don’t have the number handy at the moment; however, I know that extensions are listed on the college website if you’d like to look there.”

Student: *laughs nervously*

Me: “Well that has to be the stupidest thing I’ve said in a while. I am so sorry!”

Student: “It’s okay. We all have those moments!”

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This Query Is Not Remotely Cheery

, | Canada | Learning | April 15, 2013

Student: “My professor wants me to use [Business Database] for my homework, but he said I have to use it in the library. I want to know how I can use it from home.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that database can only be used within the library at those two computers over there. They’re in use right now, so you should wait over there until one is available.”

Student: *rolls eyes* “No, you’re not listening. I want to use it from home.”

Me: “I understand it’s not as convenient, but we are not able to offer it outside of the library. You need to use it here, just like your professor said.”

Student: *speaking very slowly* “I do not want to use it in the library. I have Internet at home and I want to use this database from my home. Please show me how to log on from home to use this database.”

Me: “Let me see if I understand your question. You have to use [Business Database] for your homework. It is more convenient to do that from home, so you would like to use your library card to log on from home and use the database there. Is that your question?”

Student: “Finally! Yes, that’s it.”

Me: “We are able to do that with some databases, but not every database. The company that created that database has the right to restrict how and where we provide it to our users. They only allow us to have two dedicated computers with that database on it, and it must be used within the library. You cannot use it from home. We wish you could, but you can’t. Also, because there are only two computers available, there is sometimes a wait for them, so don’t leave your homework until the last minute as you might not be able to get on the computers right away. If you would like to wait over there by the dedicated terminals, I will come over and show you how to use it when it’s your turn.”

(There’s a long pause as all of this sinks in for the student. Suddenly, they yell back at me.)

Student: “Well, you don’t have to be such a b**** about it! God!” *storms off*

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