This Logic Is Dead On Arrival

Learning | July 6, 2013

Professor: “An animate is something that when you kick it, it screams. If you kick a snake, it will scream and yell, ‘Stop it!'”

Student: “What about dead people? Are they still animate?”

Professor: “Of course. Because if you kick them, they still scream. You’ve probably never noticed this, because you’ve never kicked a dead person.”

1 Thumbs
833

Sharing Is Pouring

| Learning | July 6, 2013

Lecturer: “…and what does… what the h*** are you doing?!”

(A student across from me is drinking out of a hip flask.)

Student: “What? I’m eighteen.”

(The lecturer continues to stare.)

Lecturer: “Did you bring enough for everyone?”

Student: “As a matter of fact…” *pulls bottle of rum* “…I do.”

1 Thumbs
1,722

EleMental Issues

| Learning | July 5, 2013

(At the moment we are learning about atoms.)

Teacher: “So everything is made up of atoms.”

(A student raises her hand.)

Teacher: “Yes?”

Student: “We can’t see atoms, right?”

Teacher: “…Correct.”

Student: “So how do we know they’re real?”

(The class goes silent.)

Teacher: “Well, there’s scientists who study them and—”

Student: “Maybe the scientists are pranking us.”

Me: “Scientists… managed to prank the entire world?”

Student: “I don’t believe atoms exist. I think they’re fake!”

1 Thumbs
808

It’s The Age Of Delirious

| Learning | July 5, 2013

(I am discussing a child’s recent behavior with his mother.)

Me: “I’m a bit concerned that he refuses to talk to me when he thinks he is in trouble.”

Mother: “Yes, well, you know why he’s like that.”

(I give her an expectant stare.)

Mother: “He’s a Sagittarius.”

(It took me a moment to realize she was completely serious.)

1 Thumbs
792

These Teachers Are A Class Act

| Learning | July 5, 2013

(In my school, there are two Politics teachers. Teacher #1 is the Head Teacher; Teacher #2 is the Head of Politics. We’re in the last lesson we’ll have with him for two weeks because he has to go away on business. We’re studying “spin” and how the media can warp the news.)

Teacher #1: “Now, can anyone think of any examples of—”

(The door slams open to reveal Teacher #2, who literally looks as if he’s about to kill somebody.)

Teacher #2: [Teacher #1]! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”

(Teacher #1 is visibly frightened.)

Teacher #2: “YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THIS CLASS FOR THE NEXT FIVE LESSONS?”

Teacher #1: “I don’t have any other choice—”

(Teacher #2 strides over to the desk and grabs Teacher #1 by the collar.)

Teacher #2: “THIS ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH! THESE STUDENTS HAVE AN EXAM IN JUST A MONTH AND A HALF! YOU ARE LETTING THEM DOWN! YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE THEM!”

(Teacher #1 is now literally shaking in terror.)

Teacher #2: “YOU ARE GOING TO TEACH THESE STUDENTS, OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES, [Teacher #1]! IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, AND THEY DESERVE BETTER!”

(Teacher #2 storms out the room, muttering loudly about how it’s “not good enough”. The class is sitting there in silence. After a moment, Teacher #1 turns back to the class calmly.)

Teacher #1: “Now, everyone open your notebooks and—”

Me: “Sir?! Are you okay? What was that?”

Teacher #1: “Please don’t interrupt me. I want you to all write short newspaper articles on what just happened, but putting different spins on it.”

Student #1: “…What?”

(It was an act. Turns out that they do this every year as a learning aid. I love those teachers.)

1 Thumbs
1,799