Why Cartesians Need To Coordinate With Cartography

| Learning | April 10, 2013

(I’m about to go on a high school exchange to Japan for a year. I’m required to mail them some homework to my math teacher in order to complete the semester I’d be missing.)

Me: “Hi, [math teacher!] I’m here to pick up my worksheets.”

Math Teacher: “Have fun in Japan and wherever else you go. Are you going drive across the border and explore China while you’re there? You really should while you can, young lady.”

(I was pretty embarrassed for him, so I stared at my shoes as I mumbled an awkward response.)

Me: “My host family doesn’t have any plans to fly there from the islands of Japan. I have to go.” *rushes out*

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This Teacher’s Logic Is Unquestionable

| Learning | April 10, 2013

(We’re starting some class work and we’re not allowed to talk to each other. Our teacher is sometimes very strict and doesn’t let us go out to use the washroom or get drinks. Normally this isn’t an issue, but today one of the most stuck-up girls in class starts having an obviously fake coughing fit.)

Stuck-Up Girl: “Ms. [teacher’s name], may I go get a drink of water?”

Teacher: “No. Continue with your work. Class is just about over.”

Stuck-Up Girl: “But I really need a drink!”

Teacher: “No.”

(The stuck-up girl restarts her fake coughing fit.)

Stuck-Up Girl: *dramatically* “But I have asthma! What if I die?!”

Teacher: “I think we can live with that.”

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Assuming Makes An Essay Out Of You And Me

, | Learning | April 9, 2013

(I’m a teacher and decide to grab some fast food for lunch. I am wearing a large coat that makes me look overweight.)

Employee: “Welcome to—holy s***, dude! What’s a whale like you doing here? Surely you’ve had enough junk food?”

Me: “Charming. Either way, I’ll have a—”

Employee: “No! I refuse to serve someone as fat as you. Go join a gym or something!”

(At this point, I remove my coat and show him the ‘fat’ is actually toned muscle.)

Me: “I’ll tell you what,: you apologise, get me my food and I’ll—”

(I stop mid-sentence as I recognize the employee.)

Me: “Wait, you’re in my class aren’t you? In that case, I’m expecting a full essay about how to treat others and how to behave in a workplace on my desk the first thing Monday morning.”

(The employee’s face goes pale as he rushes through my order. Not only did I get to have a bit of fun, but he even came through and gave me a half decent essay on Monday!)

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Always Open For The Close-Minded

, | Learning | April 9, 2013

(I work at a college library that is open 24 hours during exam week only. At the start of the new semester, a continuing education student walks in.)

Student: “I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Student: “I came here at 2 am yesterday and no one let me in!”

Me: “Ma’am, no one was here.”

Student: “You’re lying! I was here at two in the morning in December!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am. However we only have a 24 hour—”

Student: “You’re lying to stay out of trouble! Ain’t you, f****** b****!?”

Me: “No, ma’am… I—”

Student: “You young people don’t know what it’s like having a job AND to be studying! You rich little b****! I’m gonna get you fired!”

Me: “Ma’am, actually—”

(At this point she goes off to the director of the library and starts yelling at her. After ten minutes of shouting, my boss finally responds to the angry woman.)

Boss: “I’m sorry you couldn’t see the clearly marked hours on our door, the handouts, or your student planner. However we can not force our student employees to work 24 hour shifts all semester seeing as they also need to study along with their jobs. Now please, refrain from cursing and leave my library!”

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I Sea The Class As Half Fool

| Learning | April 9, 2013

(I am studying in the student center when I overhear this conversation from the next table over.)

Girl #1: “How many oceans do we need to know for this test? I only know one!”

Girl #2: “I know. This is going to be so hard.”

Girl #1: “I’m going to fail. I wish it was multiple choice. At least if there were four choices, I’d have a 50-50 chance of getting it right!”

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