Pugilistical Correctness

| Canada | Learning | May 6, 2013

(I’m physically disabled and in a wheelchair. I’m having a friendly mock argument with another student.)

Student: “[My name], I challenge you to a fight! Meet me in the parking lot after school.”

(At this point, a teacher walks by and overhears the “challenge.”)

Teacher: “You want to fight him in the parking lot? He’s disabled! That’s prejudiced. Fight him in the stairwell, like everyone else!”

(Both I and the other student burst out laughing.)

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Back To The Teacher

Louisiana, USA | Learning | May 6, 2013

(We are in first hour physics class, where the teacher is a known prankster. He has labels on various scientific equipment in the room, such as a replica of the first telescope labeled “electron accelerator,” and the ventilation cabinet for smelly experiments labeled “time machine.” There is a girl in the class who is extremely gullible and the class takes advantage of this often.)

Girl: “Mr. Q, is this really a time machine? How does it work?”

Teacher: “Sure is! Just open the cabinet, stick your head in, and flip the switch. The longer you leave it on, the farther back in time you go.”

Girl: “Cool! Can I try it?”

Teacher: “Absolutely!”

(He gives the rest of the class a look saying “play along” as she gets up, sticks her head in the cabinet, and flips the switch on for about ten seconds. Meanwhile, the schools weekly news program, produced by the students themselves, is starting. Unbeknownst to the class, this week’s episode had technical problems, and they decided to air a repeat from October’s Homecoming week.)

TV: “Good morning [school name] High, and welcome to Homecoming Week!”

Girl: *eyes get huge* “OH MY GOD IT WORKS!”

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Stand And Demoralize Her

| MI, USA | Learning | May 6, 2013

Teacher: “Class, this is Mrs. Shaw. She’s going to be observing the classroom for a few weeks. Say ‘Hello, Mrs. Shaw.'”

Class: “Hello, Mrs. Shaw!”

Mrs. Shaw: “Hello, class.”

Teacher: “Now, I want all of you on your best behavior.”

Student: *raises hand*

Teacher: “Yes?”

Student: “Is she going to school to be a teacher?”

Teacher: “She is in the classroom to observe and see what it is like to be a teacher.”

Student: “So, shouldn’t we be on our worst behavior then? So she can see if she still wants to do it after that?”

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May We Speak In Private

Geelong, Australia | Learning | May 6, 2013

(I’m a teacher supervising a group of senior high school students doing a first aid course.)

Trainer: “Now, what would you do if someone was choking?”

Student: “Ooh, I know this one! You give them the hymen remover!”

Parlez-snooze Francais

| USA | Learning | May 5, 2013

(I’m a French teacher at a high school. There’s a girl who is notoriously late for class and when she does come, she goes straight to sleep. Strangely, her work is always done and she aces her tests so I let her be until this exchange occurs.)

Me: “Bonjour.”

Students: “Bonjour, Madame.”

(I begin taking attendance and the girl slips into the room and into her desk, mumbling a quick “Bonjour” as she passes me.)

Me: “Today we’re going to be splitting up into groups and reading the first section of the novel and—”

Girl: “Madame, I have a slight problem.”

Me: “Yes?”

Girl: *in French* “I hate all of my classmates.”

Me: “You know this is a French III class, right?”

Girl: “I guarantee you that nobody in this room aside from you understood me.”

Me: *in French* “Class, what did Mademoiselle [name] say?”

(There’s an awkward pause and some whispering but nobody volunteers an answer so I repeat my question in English. Once again there’s nothing.)

Me: “How do you guys do your work?”

Boy: “A translator.”

Me: *to girl* “Work by yourself, dear.”

(After that I moved her into a higher French class that actually wanted to learn. She never fell asleep in my class again.)

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