About To Adopt An Apologetic Attitude

| Learning | July 20, 2013

(I overhear a discussion at the next table during a parent-teacher conference.)

Father: “Hi Mr. [name], we’re Mr./Mrs. [name], parents of [name].”

Teacher: “You’re [name]’s parents?”

Mother: “Yes. I understand you teach our daughter science.”

Teacher: “You’re not [name]’s parents.”

Father: “What do you mean?”

Teacher: “Look. I’m a science teacher, and I also specialize in genetics. You look nothing like your daughter, not one of you.”

Mother: “She’s adopted.”

Teacher: “Oh! Oh! I’m so sorry!”

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A Sound Reason For Falling

| Learning | July 20, 2013

(I am at my marching band practice. It is raining a bit.)

Teacher: “Blow me away with your sound!”

(We begin to play. As we do, my teacher stands up on a bench.)

Teacher: “S***!”

(I look up, and see him fall off of the bench onto the track that surrounds the football field. A few kids, all of whom are in the EMS, run to his aid, along with the other adults helping. I am with the people telling others not to move. My teacher gets up and looks at us.)

Teacher: “When I said to ‘blow me away with your sound’, I did not mean it literally!”

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He Is Pregnant With Potential

| Learning | July 19, 2013

(Our biology teacher has a reputation for being the coolest of our teachers. She frequently makes great jokes to keep the class interested while she teaches. In this particular class, we’ve started on human reproduction. Naturally this has a lot of the guys talking and laughing among themselves.)

Teacher: “Quiet down over there.”

(The group gets quiet for about two minutes, before talking again.)

Teacher: “[Guy #1’s name], do you have a uterus?”

Guy #1: “Um… I think so?”

(The entire class laughs at him, and he turns bright red.)

Guy #2: “Dude! Seriously?”

Teacher: “See, if you paid attention instead of talking in my class, you wouldn’t have made a fool of yourself.”

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Mr. Of The Jungle Is His Father

, , , , | Learning | July 19, 2013

(At my nephew’s daycare, children are being ‘screened’ to see if they need pre-K education. My nephew is about three years old.)

Teacher: “Can you tell me your first name?”

Nephew: “George.”

Teacher: “And what is your last name?”

Nephew: “Of the jungle.”

(He got docked points for that!)

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Irish Fooling Herself

| Learning | July 19, 2013

(One of my classmates is chattering away next to me while we’re all working on our assignment for the day.)

Classmate: “Oh, yes, I love accents. Especially Irish. I made a deal with Jesus that if I get married, he has to be an Irish redhead. Preferably a museum curator.”

Me: “Are you going to go on a tour of museums in Ireland, then? That would probably be a fascinating—”

Classmate: *laughing* “No, don’t be silly. He has to come find me.”

Me: “Is that so.”

Classmate: “Yes!”

Me: “Here, in Cow-Town Colorado.”

Classmate: “Or Seattle. I’m moving there someday. I’m sure he’ll find me once I’m in Seattle.”

Me: “Uh, well, how will this dream man from across the pond know where you are? Or even that you exist?”

Classmate: “I made a deal with Jesus!”

(I dropped the subject.)

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