Rum That By Me Again

| Learning | April 29, 2013

(I go to a small college that only has freshman and sophomores, so everyone on campus is 18 to 20 years old. We’ve also got a dry campus policy. My chemistry professor is trying to explain something about phase diagrams.)

Professor: “So, you know when you go to the supermarket, and in the frozen foods department they’ve got the little frozen things of apple juice, and orange juice, and Bacardi, but you guys don’t buy the Bacardi—”

Student: “Yeah, because it’s a dry campus!”

Professor: “…and also you’re all underage. Did we forget about that one?”

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A Walk To December

| Learning | April 29, 2013

(This is an email from a nutty professor to all of his students on the first snowy day of the year.)

Professor: “[Professor] has issued an emergency snow walk, with boots, for departure [from location] at 1 pm today, Saturday. Like everything [professor] issues, not obligatory, just idealistic.

P.S. Walk may be taken at another time and place, alone or in groups. Must occur outside.”

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Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

| Learning | April 28, 2013

(I am a high school science teacher giving a lesson on evolution.)

Me: “So, the only bodily fluids that can transmit HIV include blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk.”

Female Student: *grabs her breast* “Hey, how does that work anyway? How does milk get in these?”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?”

Female Student: “No.”

Me: “You make it.”

Female Student: “What?! We make milk?!”

Me: “Yeah. We’re mammals.”

Male Student: *bewildered* “Wow. Just… wow.”

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A Tale Of Two Reciprocities

| Learning | April 28, 2013

(I am an assistant English teacher at a Japanese middle school. The Japanese teacher and I are teaching a lesson on plurals and spelling changes, such as “change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es.'”)

Teacher: “If there’s one city, it’s ‘city.’ So how would you say ‘two cities’ in English?”

Student: *yells from back of room* “TITTIES!”

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Continuing Education Meets Continual Aging

| Learning | April 27, 2013

(This story involves my aunt, who has gone back to college. She is 54 years old. It’s the first day of class and she’s arrived early as she is a very punctual person by nature. She is seated at a desk near the front of the classroom.)

Student #1: “Oh, hello! You must be Professor [teacher’s name].”

Aunt: “Nope. I’m a student, just like you.”

(At this point, Student #1 takes a seat. Four more students enter, one after another, and each also assumes my aunt is the teacher. She continues to explain that she isn’t, remaining pleasant but obviously becoming a touch annoyed as the assumptions continue. Finally, the actual teacher enters. The teacher sees my aunt, pauses, and then looks around.)

Teacher: “Hm, I could have sworn this was my classroom. Sorry to interrupt!” *smiles, waves at my aunt then leaves the room*

Aunt: *facepalm*

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