He Wants To Be Left Aphone

, | Learning | May 22, 2013

(I’m at the college IT support office to fix a bug on my laptop and find all the employees looking bored. I walk up to one of them and he pays no attention to me whatsoever.)

Me: “Excuse me. I’ve got a problem with my laptop.”

IT Support Guy: *incoherent mumbling*

Me: “Sir?”

IT Support Guy: *while not looking at me* “How long ago did you buy the device?”

Me: “Uh… well, I got it at the beginning of the semester.”

IT Support Guy: “Have you tried to reset it?”

Me: “I haven’t even told you the problem yet.”

IT Support Guy: “That doesn’t work? Okay. Can you tell me the manufacturer of the device?”

Me: “It’s [computer brand]. But sir, I—”

(He proceeds explaining all kinds of stuff which is clearly not directed to me. He finally turns to me; it turns out the entire time I thought he was just leaning his head on his hand, he wasn’t. He was talking on the phone to someone else and is now looking annoyed.)

IT Support Guy: “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”

Me: “Sorry!”

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Learning Can Be Chainful

| Learning | May 22, 2013

(I’m helping my daughter with her geography.)

Me: “… and what’s the name of a group or chain of islands?”

Daughter: “Archipelago.”

(She pronounces it “ark-i-puh-LAA-go.”)

Me: “It’s pronounced ‘ark-i-PEL-ago.'”

Daughter: “You’re wrong. Our teacher says ‘ark-i-puh-LAAAA-go.'”

(I open up Dictionary.com, look up “archipelago” and presses the “say” button several times.)

Dictionary.com: “ark-i-PEL-ago, ark-i-PEL-ago, ark-i-PEL-ago.”

Daughter: “Okay! Stop! Stop!”

Dictionary.com: “ark-i-PEL-ago! ark-i-PEL-ago! ark-i-PEL-ago!”

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You Need To 86 That Shirt

| Learning | May 21, 2013

(I’m studying to become an English teacher. I have to teach in high school for 60 hours. Most of the students are only four years younger than me, and almost all of them are female. Usually there is a teacher with us in a room, but she has two classes at the same time, so I am covering one and while she covers the other. Note: I’m a male.)

Me: “Any questions?”

Female Student: “Yes!”

Me: “Very well then; what is it?”

Female Student: “Do you, um… like sixty-nine?”

(I am so shocked by this question that I am speechless. The whole class begins laughing.)

Me: “Where did that come from?”

Female Student: “Well… you have the number on your t-shirt.”

(I look down and realize I’m wearing a t-shirt with big text that says “I <3 69" on it.)

Me: “Oh, that…” *blushes* “Um… yeah, it’s just a joke, you know.”

Female Student: “Too bad. I’ve got a free evening.”

(I continued the lesson and somehow came through with it. However, every time I had to teach this class, both the girl and the teacher had major problems with keeping straight faces.)

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Going To The Can Requires You Can The Word Can

| Learning | May 21, 2013

(Our teacher is at least least 60 years old, and can be very old fashioned.)

Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?”

Teacher: “I don’t know. Most people can go, but some have constipation issues. You MAY go try.”

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Titanic Mutant NInja Turtle, Dead Ahead

| Learning | May 21, 2013

(My friend finishes watching Titanic in her History in Film class.)

Girl: “Oh, my goodness! That was so sad! I’m so glad it was just a movie!”

Friend: “Um. You know that actually happened, right?”

Girl: “What?! But… How could they do that?!”

Friend: “Do… What?”

Girl: “Just stay there filming while all those people died and not even try to help!”

Friend: “I don’t think you—”

Girl: “Wait, but Leonardo da Vinci died and he’s still alive!”

Friend: “… It’s DiCaprio. Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Girl: “Nooo, he’s the one who painted all those famous pictures!”

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