Masters’ Degrees Of The Universe

, , , , | Learning | April 26, 2013

(I have recently started a college program focusing on video game creation. Needless to say, most of the students and teachers are a little geeky. I’ve just made some drawings for a group project and need to scan them, but I am having issues getting the scanner to work.)

Me: “Excuse me, [name of teacher]. I can’t seem to get the scanner to work. Could you help me with that?”

Teacher: “Sure, let’s have a look.”

(We go back to the scanner and I put one of my drawings on the scanner bed.)

Teacher: “Now look, here’s what you do…”

(He proceeds to stand in front of the scanner, and dramatically raises his arms.)

Teacher: “BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!”

(After a few moments of silence he calmly turns back to me while I’m left staring at him rather flabbergasted.)

Teacher: “And if that doesn’t work, you try this…”

(He then moves to the computer attached to the scanner, and shows me the menu option I’d overlooked. Within a minute, I had my scans. The man is still one of my favorite teachers.)

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He’s A Cultural Geicon

| Learning | April 26, 2013

(We’re talking about food chains in biology class.)

Girl #1: “Wait, what’s a gecko?”

Girl #2: “You know the lizard from the Geico commercials?”

Girl #1: *annoyed* “No, that’s a Geico!”

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Putting The Egg In V-egg-ie

, | Learning | April 26, 2013

(The dining hall where I work encourages vegetarian students to let staff know they’re vegetarian so that we can switch utensils when preparing food. I’m working the omelette bar.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you to—”

Student: “Change your utensils.”

Me: “Oh, are you a vegetarian?”

(I turn to grab the pan and spatula reserved for vegetarians.)

Student: “I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a vegan! Where are your vegan utensils?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, this an omelette bar. We don’t have vegan utensils.”

Student: “WHAT!? Why don’t you have vegan utensils?”

Me: “Like I said, this is the omelette bar. Sometimes we’ll saute vegetables from the salad bar, but we don’t have any pans that haven’t touched eggs.”

Student: “That’s ridiculous! I want an omelette! How am I going to eat an omelette if you don’t have vegan utensils?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t even have egg substitute. We only use real eggs. I can’t make you a vegan omelette.”

Student: “Well what’s that?” *points at egg whites*

Me: “Those are the egg whites.”

Student: “Well those are vegan! Egg whites are vegan!”

Me: “No, they’re not. They’re still an animal product.”

Student: “Shut up! I’m a nutrition major! I know what vegan is! I demand to see your manager!”

(Suddenly, my co-worker, who is on break, walks by on his way to the drink machine.)

Me: “[Coworker’s name], can you get a manager over here?”

Co-Worker: “Sure. I’ll go find someone.” *walks off*

Student: “Stupid burger flipper! Make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know vegan!”

(This rant continues in the same vein until my co-worker returns — without a manager.)

Co-Worker: “Sorry, [my name]. They’re in a meeting. You need me to stay, or can I finish my break?”

Me: “Uh, do you know how to make a vegan omelette?”

Co-Worker: *laughs* “Seriously, did someone just ask you for that?”

Student: “Yeah! I did! Tell her to make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know that vegan means healthy!”

Co-Worker: *looks the girl up and down* “Look, that’s not possible. We don’t have any egg substitute. We only have eggs. Now you can let [my name] make you an omelette using the vegetarian utensils, or you can go to the salad bar. I’m going back to break. They don’t pay us enough to deal with this crap.”

Student: “Ugh! I can’t believe you’re being so rude. I’m never eating here again!”

Me: “Well if you’re not on the meal plan, maybe you can get a refund?”

Student: “I’m on the meal plan!”

Me: “You purchased the meal plan, but you’re never eating here again?”

Student: “Yeah!”

Me: “That would mean you’ll lose money, though, if you bought the meal plan and you never use it.”

Student: “Oh, just make me a f****** omelette. Egg whites, peppers, spinach, tomato, and extra cheese.”

Me: “Um, it’s not vegan cheese.”

Student: “F*** you. Just put cheese on it.”

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Masters’ Degrees Of The Universe

| Learning | April 26, 2013

(I have recently started a college program focusing on video game creation. Needless to say, most of the students and teachers are a little geeky. I’ve just made some drawings for a group project and need to scan them, but I am having issues getting the scanner to work.)

Me: “Excuse me, [name of teacher]. I can’t seem to get the scanner to work. Could you help me with that?”

Teacher: “Sure, let’s have a look.”

(We go back to the scanner and I put one of my drawings on the scanner bed.)

Teacher: “Now look, here’s what you do…”

(He proceeds to stand in front of the scanner, and dramatically raises his arms.)

Teacher: “BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!”

(After a few moments of silence he calmly turns back to me while I’m left staring at him rather flabbergasted.)

Teacher: “And if that doesn’t work, you try this…”

(He then moves to the computer attached to the scanner, and shows me the menu option I’d overlooked. Within a minute, I had my scans. The man is still one of my favorite teachers.)

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Don’t Get Your Drills Twistered Up

| Learning | April 25, 2013

(I am in middle school and we are having a tornado drill. During this drill, students and teachers must crouch in the hallway and cover their necks and heads. We all file into the hallways and assume the position. I happen to be nearest to the door and can see the sunny day outside.)

Voice: “HEEEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEEEEE!”

(I look up and see the voice is my friend outside spinning in a circle and screaming.)

My Friend: “I’M BEING SUCKED UP BY A TORNADO!”

(His whole class joins in and starts spinning and screaming. The teachers just stare at them in shock while the principal is located. Apparently, their teacher confused a tornado drill with a fire drill!)

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