It Was A Cownjugal Visit

| Illinois, USA | Learning | April 12, 2013

(I am a high school science teacher.)

Student: “Sperm stands for something, right?”

Me: “No, dude. You make sperm!”

Student: “But it could still stand for something!”

Me: “Oh yeah? Like what?”

Student: “Uh… Somebody… Please… Enter… Respectively… Moo?”

Answering To A High School-er Power

| Wichita, Kansas, USA | Learning | April 11, 2013

(It’s my first year teaching high school. One of my students is incapable of turning in assignments or accepting anything I say without audible commentary.)

Me: “Your assignment was due last week. It’s a zero.”

Student: “But Mr. [my name], I had two soccer games so I couldn’t do it!”

Me: “I’m not going to argue with you. Games are not an excuse. It was on the homework page. It’s time for class, and you’re interrupting. Sit down and be quiet; the discussion is over.”

(I turn back to the board.)

Student: *stage whispers* “God!”

Me: “‘Mr. [my name] will be quite sufficient, [student’s name].”

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Practice What You Teach

| Florida, USA | Learning | April 11, 2013

Professor: “It is extremely important that you cite your work! I will not tolerate plagiarism!”

Student: “How do you want the papers to be cited? MLA? APA?”

Professor: “As long as you don’t take peoples’ work without crediting it, I am fine with whatever style. I am a stickler for plagiarism!”

(After going over the syllabus, she starts the first part of lecture.)

Professor: “Oh by the way, I copied and pasted some information on the internet to make this PowerPoint.”

Student: “Can you give us the site to study off of later?”

Professor: “Oh, I don’t remember what it was; just some random website that I copied!”

(Needless to say, she got even more ridiculous as the semester went on.)

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This Mini-Monarch Doesn’t Need Tudor-ing In History

| Texas, USA | Learning | April 11, 2013

(I am a second grade teacher. One of my students, an exceptionally bright young boy, runs up to me at recess with a huge grin.)

Me: “Hey, [student]! What are you playing?”

Student: “Henry VIII!”

Me: “Oh? How do you play Henry VIII?”

Student: *hugs me* “I love you!”

Me: “Oh, sweetie. I love you, t—”

Student: *interrupts* “Just kidding! Off with your head!”

(Best. Game. Ever.)

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The Lion, The Witch, And The Tannenbaum

| New York, USA | Learning | April 10, 2013

(I’m a substitute teacher, and as long as the students get their work done, I’m pretty laid back. I also use some pop culture references to get a laugh out of students when I’m in a new class.)

Me: “If you want to work in pairs, that’s fine as long as you’re working diligently. Just keep the noise level conversational and don’t go wandering around the classroom. So, if you’re sitting up front and your friend is all the way in the back in Narnia, you can’t go visit them.”

Student: “I wanna go to Narnia!”

Me: “Well, there’s no wardrobe in here. Sorry.”

Student: “There’s a closet!”

Me: “It’s not the same as a wardrobe.”

Student: “I’m gonna try!” *gets up and runs to the closet*

Me: “Excuse me! Take a seat right now!”

Student: *opens closet and steps inside* “Oh my God!”

Me: “Please sit down or you’re going to the disciplinary office.”

Student: “There really is a Narnia in here!”

(By now, I’ve made it to the closet on the other side of the classroom. To my surprise, there is a fake Christmas tree, complete with fake snow, inside of the closet. I guess closets can get you to Narnia!)

 

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