She Needs Her Brain Scanned

, | IL, USA | Learning | May 26, 2013

(I’m head technician at the call center for the campus IT department and receive a call from one of the program directors at an off-campus location.)

Me: “IT, how may I assist you?”

Program Director: “This new computer they sent me is broken! It won’t take my document!”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do, but you’re going to have to tell me a little more. First, what do you mean by ‘it won’t take’ your document?”

Program Director: “I have all these correspondences from all these people, and I’m supposed to put them on the computer. It won’t take them.”

Me: “Are you trying to type them in to a word processing program? Or are you wanting to scan them in using some kind of scanner device?”

Program Director: “DON’T GET TECHNICAL WITH ME! I’m an educated person,; I have TWO DOCTORATES, SO DON’T YOU DARE TALK DOWN TO ME!”

Me: “I’m not talking down to you; I assure you. If you don’t understand the terms I just used, I can define them for you and we can try to get you back on track here. Do you know what a word processing program is? Or a flat-bed scanner?”

Program Director: “There you go again, belittling me! I demand to speak to your supervisor!”

Me “Ma’am, you can speak to my supervisor, right after we fix this issue. I have no problem at all transferring you to the supervisor, but right now, I’d really like to just fix whatever the problem you are having, and then you can speak to the boss. Would that be alright with you? Fix the issue first, and then speak to the supervisor?”

Program Director: “Well, okay, but this had better not take much longer!”

Me: “I’ll go as fast as I can. Please tell me exactly how you are attempting to get the documents into the computer, one step at a time, if you would?”

Program Director: “Step by step? This is stupid, but okay, here goes. First, I pick up one of the letters that need to be in the computer. Got that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Got it. Then what do you do with it?”

Program Director: “I hold it up in front of the big screen thing, but NOTHING HAPPENS. And so WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? I need to get going on this,; it is very important.”

Me: “Just one more question, I think, should do it. By ‘the big screen thing,’ do you by any chance mean the white box that kind of looks like a television, and has [brand name] on the front of it?”

Program Director: “Yes. That’s it exactly.”

(Turns out she was holding papers up to the monitor, and expecting the computer to be able to read them in, as if it was an eyeball or something. When she found out that she would have to type all these documents in to a word processing document, she about hit the ceiling.)

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Not Ever Learning

, | Sheffield, England, UK | Learning | May 25, 2013

(I’m in the library with a course mate, looking at this very website ( having a quick break from writing my dissertation. My course mate looks over at my screen.)

Course Mate: “I find it ironic that you’re looking at a website called ‘Not Always Learning’ whilst not doing your work!”

That Really Hit A Nerve

| OH, USA | Learning | May 25, 2013

(We are on the playground. I am the teacher and a child comes running up to me crying.)

Child: “Miss [name]! I fell down on the side and hurt my elbow and it REALLY hurts!”

Me: “It looks like you’re going to be fine, sweetie. I think you just hit your funny bone.”

Child: “It’s not funny!”

Make Sure You Can-non Draw

| Brooksville, FL, USA | Learning | May 24, 2013

(I have just gotten my twin brother transferred into my history class because his was making him want to drop out. It’s his first day and the teacher is going over the US Civil War.)

Teacher: “… and the field artillery used cannons to help support the infantry and cavalry forces in the field. Let me show you what a cannon looks like.”

(He goes over to the board and begins to draw a simple cannon. First he draws the wheel and then draws the chase of the cannon, but realizes it looks quite phallic. He quickly erases it with his hand.)

Teacher: “On second thought, you guys are old enough to know what a cannon is.”

Classmates: “No, no [teacher]! We don’t know. Please continue drawing it!”

(He turns to the class and gives us all that “look” as we are all grinning from ear to ear and laughing.)

Brother: “[My name], this is the best class ever.”

Those Who Can’t, Cheat

| Lebanon, TN, USA | Learning | May 24, 2013

(I am in high school and am in honors classes. I have a teacher who doesn’t like me and for one reason or another does not think I deserve to be in the class. I’m about to leave when she calls me to her desk.)

Teacher: “[My name], I have some concerns about you.”

Me: *confused* “Okay…”

Teacher: “It appears that a couple of the people around you have the exact same answers as you, and I can tell you’re copying them.”

Me: “Wait, what?! You think I’M copying THEM! That’s not—”

Teacher: “I want to you cease or I’m going to fail you and have you kicked from honors immediately.”

Me: “Okay, no. Why do you assume I’m the one cheating? How do you know they aren’t copying me?”

Teacher: “Because I questioned them and they told me so. Besides, they’re better than that and smarter to—”

Me: “Hold it right there. First off, where do you get the right to think someone’s smarter? There are different types of intelligences. Second, I do not, nor have I ever, cheated. If anyone’s doing it, it’s them.”

Teacher: “I don’t believe you. I’m not fond of your tone and I don’t appreciate liars.”

Me: “Fine. Let’s make a deal. I’m going to prove I’m not the one cheating. My next test, I’m going to score exactly a five. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less; and when the other people around me have the same answers and flunk miserably, I want to come back later that day and retake my test, got it?”

Teacher: “Fine. Whatever. But when they don’t fail, you’re keeping your grade!”

(Sure enough, next test, two of the people around me had a score of five. While the teacher did let me retake the test, which I got a 100/100 on by the way, I never received an apology, and the other kids weren’t kicked out like she’d threatened to do to me because she liked them more.)

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