Country Grammar

| Learning | June 6, 2013

(We are completing book work when one girl’s purse steadily vibrates across the floor. The teacher stands up and collects it, removing her cell phone in the process.)

Teacher: “[Girl], I asked you twice to keep your phone off. Your parents can come collect it from me at the end of the week.”

(She rolls her eyes and once the teacher sits back down again, begins talking to the boy next to her.)

Teacher: “Hey, you guys need to be quiet. That means you, [boy].”

Boy: *sneers* “That isn’t proper grammar.”

Teacher: “Oh?”

Boy: “Yeah. You were talking to more than one of us, so it’s not ‘you.'”

Teacher: “Well, what should I have said then?”

Boy: “Y’all.”

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Be Sure To Copy The Right Copy, Part 2

| Learning | June 6, 2013

(I teach sixth grade and students have just finished a test and are transitioning to their next class. As the other students are leaving, one boy approaches me.)

Student #1: “Mrs. [my name], during the test [student #2], was asking me for the answers.”

Me: “Okay. Thank you for telling me. I will look into—”

Student #1: “So I gave him the wrong answers.”

(I could not help but laugh. He got a high five and some candy. Student #2 failed the test.)

 

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U Of Poo

| Learning | June 5, 2013

Me: “Office of Residential Life. How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I wanted to ask you questions about your dorms.”

Me: “Sure, I can tell you about every residential hall on campus. What would you like to know?”

Woman: “Do they have elevators?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, all our buildings are multiple floors and fully ADA compliant.”

Woman: “So they have stairs too?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “And what about bathrooms? Do all the buildings have bathrooms?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “On each floor, even the ones with classrooms?”

Me: “Well, yes, I believe so.”

Woman: “That’s good, because my son has explosive diarrhea, and he must be near a bathroom at all times.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “Which dorm do you think he should live in?”

Me: “Um….try [random hall name].”

Woman: “Thank you!”

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He’s Baconing To Understand

| Learning | June 5, 2013

(I’m working with a seven-year-old boy on his reading skills.)

Me: “Today we’re going to read a story about a pig, so on this paper I want you to write something that you know about pigs.”

Student: “Okay!”

(He works for a couple of minutes.)

Me: “Alright, why don’t you read me what you wrote?”

Student: “Pigs are pink. And when you smoke them, they turn into ham!”

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Math Can Be A Slippery Slope

| Learning | June 5, 2013

(I’m in math class. The students are a bit rowdy and not focusing on the lesson as they should be.)

Teacher: “You guys need to pay attention to this stuff. One day, knowing Calculus could save your life.”

Student: “Really? Give one example of how Calculus could save our lives in the real world.”

Teacher: “Okay, how about this scenario? Say you are walking down the street one day, hand in hand with your significant other. Suddenly, a man jumps out from the shadows brandishing a knife. With a wild look in his eyes, he screams, ‘You better know what the second derivative of x^3 + 2x^2 + 4x + 8 is, or I’m going to poke you full of more holes than a spaghetti colander!'”

Student: “That’s ridiculous. Like that is ever going to happen in the real world.”

Teacher: “Son, let me assure you… if there are any jobs in the world likely to cause a psychotic break, high school math teacher is at the top of that list.”

(The students spent the rest of the day focused on their lessons.)

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