Best Excuse, Period

| Temecula, CA, USA | Learning | April 23, 2013

(I have to change my schedule at the beginning of the school year. The class I end up with is PE, so I get into our PE uniform only to find out they are at the swimming pool.)

Male Teacher: “What do you think you’re doing? Get back into the locker room and change into your swim wear!”

Me: “Sorry. I just got transferred into this class. I wasn’t informed that you were in the middle of swim. My last teacher was doing tennis.”

Male Teacher: “Fine, but bring your towel and swim wear tomorrow. You are swimming! Now walk around the pool the rest of class.”

(Unfortunately, the next morning I start my period and I am unable to use tampons at that time, so I once again come to class in my uniform.)

Male Teacher: “[My name], didn’t I tell you to bring your suit!?”

Me: *embarrassed* “I’m sorry, sir. I… um… I can’t swim today. Or for the next week.”

Male Teacher: “And why not?! Jesus, all you girls are the same. Always refusing to swim! You will be swimming today!”

Me: “Sir! I can’t swim! I can’t use… tampons. So unless you want to bio-hazard the pool, I suggest I walk the track for the week.”

(He turns bright red, apologizes about the whole ordeal, and explains he isn’t married and forgets that girls have a monthly cycle. For the rest of the semester, he never asked for an explanation when a female student said they couldn’t swim.)

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El Burro Sabe Mas Que Tu

| Connecticut, USA | Learning | April 23, 2013

(I’m taking a quiz and am seated next to a student who likes to bully me. All period long, she calls me a nerd under her breath while simultaneously trying to cheat off of my paper.)

Bully: *reads off my paper* “Ugh! ‘Dinero?’ I thought the Spanish word for money was ‘moo-la.'”

Me: “No, no. ‘Moo-la’ is cow.”

Bully: *smacks herself in the forehead* “Duh. I knew that!”

Me: “And a bull is ‘moo-lo.’ ‘O’ makes it masculine.”

Bully: “Duh! Everyone knows that, dweeb!” *writes it down*

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Appropriate Applications Of Apathy

, | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Learning | April 23, 2013

Teacher: “[Student], what does ‘me da igua’ mean?”

Student: “I don’t care.”

Teacher: “Good job!”

Student: “That was actually correct? Because I really don’t care.”

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Fallopian Noobs

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Learning | April 22, 2013

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a boy starts coughing and gagging on some crackers in class.)

Student: “Oh my God, Mrs [teacher], help! [Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

Teacher: “He can cough so he’s fine — wait, what did you just say?”

Student: “[Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

(Everyone in the room stares at the student and then laughs.)

Student: “What’s so funny?! He’s choking!”

Teacher: “[Student], he’s fine and he can’t have anything in his fallopian tubes.”

Student: “What do you mean? Aren’t your fallopian tubes up here?” *motions at her throat*

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Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (You’re In College)

| Argentina | Learning | April 22, 2013

(I am an assistant student helping during the first years’ biology class. The class has been instructed to take a mouth cell sample to look at under the microscope. A student signals me to come over.)

Me: “Do you need help with something?”

Student #1: “Yes, can you please show us again how to take the sample correctly?”

(I explain the procedure, mimicking the way to scrap the inside of their cheeks with a cotton swab and then place the cells in the microscope slide.)

Student #2: “So are these cells animal or plant?”

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