Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net, Part 2

| Toronto, Canada | Learning | March 11, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [college]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a student.”

Me: “Certainly. Do you have the student’s name?”

Caller: “I met them at an event at our church and wanted to talk to them about what they’re studying.”

Me: “That seems quite reasonable. If you give me their name, I can either route your call to their dorm room, or leave them a message in their student mailbox.”

Caller: “Well, I didn’t catch their name. Are there a lot of students there? Could I describe them to you?”

Me: “We have about 1400 students, but I do know most of them in dorm, so we can give it a try.”

Caller: “Okay. They’re Asian.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but roughly half of our student population is of Chinese descent. I’m afraid that doesn’t really narrow it down much.”

Caller: “Oh. They’re male?”

Me: “Sorry, that’s still a large percentage of our student body.”

Caller: “They’re studying the Bible.”

Me: “This is a Bible college, so I’m afraid that doesn’t narrow it down at all.”

Caller: “Is there a way that you could just announce over a speaker or something, that someone is looking to speak with a student that was at [church name] this past Sunday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I can’t interrupt classes to do that.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.” *click*

Related:
Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net

All Set For Higher Standards

| Southfield, MI, USA | Learning | March 11, 2013

(I work at a test proctoring facility. A student has just finished taking his placement exams.)

Me: “Alright, you placed into University Physics and Calculus 1.”

Student: “Okay.”

Me: “Do you have any last questions?”

Student: “Who do I talk to about registration?”

Me: “Go upstairs to Admissions. They should be able to help you.”

Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

Me: “…Anything else I can help you with?”

Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

Me: “Okay… you’re all set.”

Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

(I try to subtly signal the student to move on by shuffling my papers.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

Me: “So… your scores have been entered into the database. So… you’re all set.”

Student: “Oh, I’m all set?”

Me: “Yes…”

Student: “Oh, okay!” *leaves*

No Proof In Purchase

| Wiltshire, England, UK | Learning | March 11, 2013

(We have a school prom in our function room. Whenever we have a prom, we run a ‘dry’ bar. We will not serve the students at the main bar. One of the teachers approaches the bar and slams a bottle down on the counter.)

Teacher: “I just took this from one of my students. He is 16!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s—”

Teacher: “This is a disgrace; you’ve broken the law. Who served him! Was it you?”

Me: “It’s a—”

Teacher: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I understand why you’re upset, but—”

Teacher: “We won’t have another prom here! Selling alcohol to kids—”

Me: “It’s a non alcoholic beer. There is no alcohol behind the bar tonight and no one here would serve anyone underage anyway.”

Teacher: “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I’d better give this back to him.”

Home Doesn’t Always Work

| Midlands, UK | Learning | March 11, 2013

(I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

Me: “No, nor am I.”

Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

Mother: “Why?”

PEBCAK, Episode VI

| MO, USA | Learning | March 11, 2013

(I am a student worker at a college IT department. Most of our calls come from older professors who often have trouble with their machines. This call comes from a student.)

Me: “Hello, this is [school] IT department. What can I do for you today?”

Student: “Hello, yes, I’m trying to give a presentation in [classroom] but the projector won’t connect! It won’t show any image, you have to come right now!”

Me: “Thank you for calling, I’ll be right over.”

(I go to the classroom, and indeed, the projector says it can’t find any source. I check all the wiring, double check the projector, all while the class is waiting and the student is ranting.)

Student: “I can’t believe this! IT never gets anything right! I’m going to send out an email to the whole school about this! Why can’t you get it to work? I have to give this presentation!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but everything is hooked up correctly, it should be working.”

Professor: “Well, I guess we’ll just have to push all the presentations back.”

(I suddenly realized I just assumed that someone my own age would know how to operate a computer, so I fall back on what I would do if this were a professor problem and go to open the cabinet where the computer tower is. I start to laugh as I realize the computer isn’t even turned on! I press the power button, and sure enough, the projector shows the start-up screen.)

Student: “You got it to work! What did you do? What was wrong with it?”

Me: “You didn’t turn on the computer.”

(The rest of the class laughs and the student sheepishly thanks me and logs on to the computer as I leave.)

Related:
PEBCAK, Episode V

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