(I teach at an all-girls high school. A male candidate is interviewing for a teaching position, and is walking down the hallway with a male teacher during a break between classes.)

Student #1: *yelling loudly* “Hey, does anybody have a tampon? I’m about to bleed through my pants!”

Student #2: “I’ve got some pads. Here, take one!”

(Student #2 throws the pad across the hall to Student #1. The male teaching candidate is turning thirty shades of red.)

Male Teacher: “You know, there are some things you eventually get used to when you’re a guy at an all-girls school, and this is definitely one of those things.”

Male Candidate: “Y- yeah. I- I guess so.”

(I don’t know if that man was offered the job or not, but either way, he did not join our faculty the next year!)

(When we are waiting for my teacher to come to class, I overhear two girls talking about last night’s homework.)

Girl #1: “I hated this. It was too hard. What did you get for number 18?”

Girl #2: “Oh, yeah, I had to look that one up. I got apple.”

(Thinking the girl was making a joke or didn’t want her friend to copy her work, I let it go, figuring that Girl #1 was smart enough to figure out that it wasn’t the answer.)

Teacher: *walks in* Okay, class, let’s go over the homework.

(When we get to number 18.)

Teacher: “All right, who knows the answer for number 18? [Girl #2]?”

Girl #2: “Apple!”

Me: *facepalm*

Teacher: “Uh… no.”

Girl #1: “Yes, it is. ‘To apply to a higher court for a reversal of the decision of a lower court’ is to apple!”

Teacher: *pause* “Spell it for me.”

Girl #1: “A-p-p-e-a-l. Apple.”

Teacher: *much longer pause* “You mean ‘appeal’?”

Me: *double facepalm*

(There is a German exchange student in my senior Spanish class. He is rather attractive, and one girl in particular keeps pestering him despite his obvious lack of interest. Eventually he quits being nice and gives her sarcastic answers to all of her questions and demands.)

Girl: “So, what’s the most different thing for you being in the US?”

Exchange Student: *shrugs* “I’m not so used to wearing clothes. Germans like to be naked as much as possible.”

Girl: “Tell me a random fact about Germany!”

Exchange Student: “Unlike the US, Germany has two moons.”

Girl: “Do you miss any foods from home?”

Exchange Student: “Of course. I mostly miss haggis and enchiladas.”

Girl: “Will you miss any foods from the US when you go back home?”

Exchange Student: “Cheeseburgers. We have regular burgers in Germany, but you cannot get them with cheese.”

(The exchange student went home after graduation, and for the most part the entire thing was forgotten until we had a five year class reunion this year.)

Girl: “Ya know, I went to Germany last year. Apparently people actually do wear clothes, there isn’t a second moon, and you can totally order a cheeseburger. That exchange student was such a liar!”

(I teach second grade. I give my students magazines and ask them to find articles to write about. One student approaches me with his magazine.)

Student: “I found an article! Right there!”

Me: “Great! Do you like that article?”

Student: “Um… yes?”

Me: “If you aren’t sure about it, you can go look for another one that you like more.”

(The student returns a minute later.)

Student: “I found another article. The.”

Me: “So do you like that article?”

Student: “I don’t know! It’s just the. The, the, the.”

Me: “Why are you saying ‘the’? Do you want to write about that article or not?”

Student: “I don’t know how to write about ‘the’ ”

(Then it hits me that a few days ago I had taught them about the articles in English; a, an, and the.)

Me: “Not that kind of article!”

(I am explaining subject-verb agreement in English using sentences I make up as examples. I write down ‘My sisters like horses.’)

Me: “What does this say?”

Student: “My sisters like w*****?”

(I start and turn around to discover I forgot to write the middle “s” in horses.)

Me: “Whoops! My mistake!”

(I quickly add in the middle ‘s’ and thankfully the students don’t ask what ‘hores’ means.)