Two Wrongs Do Not Fake A Red Light

| Cape Coral, FL, USA | Learning | May 29, 2013

(A student is texting during my Spanish class.)

Teacher: “What on Earth is so important that you have to text about it during my class?!”

Student: “Illegal car parts.”

Teacher: “What?!”

Student: “I’m getting a little black box that will stop cops from tracking when I run a red light. And if they search my car, they won’t find it.”

(I expect the teacher to be horrified that the student is admittedly buying something illegal in order to get away with further law breaking. Instead, she looks fascinated!)

Teacher: “They definitely won’t find it?”

Student: “Right.”

Teacher: “So I won’t get arrested?”

Student: “Nope.”

Me: “[Teacher’s name], are you seriously considering buying one of these things?!”

Teacher: “Well, yes, [my name], because [student] says I won’t get caught! Now seriously where do I buy one? I run red lights all the time!”

Can’t Get A Word In Nursewise

| Washington, DC, USA | Learning | May 29, 2013

(I just passed out in my English class. I wake up in the school nurse’s office, and we have the following conversation. Keep in mind I’m still groggy from fainting.)

Nurse: “I am having trouble contacting your parents. Is there anyone else I can try?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. They’re out of town. Can I call my brother?”

Nurse: “No you certainly can not! We can’t allow you to leave school unless it’s with an adult. Someone 18 or older.”

Me: “But my brother is—”

Nurse: “And the fact that you’d want to pull your brother out of school… it’s so irresponsible. He deserves an education too!”

Me: “Please, you don’t understand—”

Nurse: “Now, since your parents and your emergency contact aren’t responding, I’m going to have to keep you here for the rest of the day.”

Me: “If you would just listen, I could explain that my brother is over 18, and stays at home because it’s cheaper than boarding at [nearby college]! Furthermore, he’s on spring break, so it wouldn’t be interfering with his education! And even if it were, taking care of his little sister is more important to him then missing one class!”

Nurse: “Well, why didn’t you say so sooner?!”

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Some Students Auto Be Expelled

| Alberta, Canada | Learning | May 29, 2013

(A particularly troublesome student is daring the school board to expel him.)

Student: “Go ahead. Expel me. See if I care. I’m not going to need anything you teach me in high school anyway. I’m going to be a mechanic!”

Trustee: “Oh, really? And what makes you think you’d be a good mechanic?”

Student: “Well, I’m always messing around in my dad’s garage, and it seems I know it all already. I don’t need an education to be a mechanic.”

Trustee: “Okay, then, if you want to be a mechanic, tell me this…”

(The trustee proceeds to lay out a mechanical problem.)

Trustee: “So, then, since you’re a mechanic, how would you fix that?”

Student: “What the f*** does that have to do with anything?”

Trustee: “Well, let me tell you son, I was a mechanic for over 20 years. And now, I teach mechanics over at [local tech college]. As a mechanic, that’s the kind of problem you’re going to run into every day. Now tell me. How are you going to solve that problem without at least a high school understanding of math and science?”

(The student ponders these words for a moment. Finally, the student speaks.)

Student: “F*** YOU, OLD MAN!”

(Yeah, he was still expelled.)

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Sphere Today, Polygon Tomorrow

| UK | Learning | May 28, 2013

(We are looking at basic geometry, and our teacher is rather condescending and is treating us all like we have no idea what shapes were.)

Teacher: “So, the least amount of sides a shape can have is how many?”

Me: “Two!”

Teacher: “No! [My name] clearly needs to learn basic shapes. The least amount of sides a shape can have is three. Two sides is not possible.”

Me: “But—”

Teacher: “Why not come up to the board and try to draw a shape with two sides?”

(I slowly walk up to the front of class, and silently draw a semi-circle on the board, then return to my seat.)

Teacher: “Well…”

(The topic was dropped, and we moved on. That teacher treated me badly for the rest of my four years in middle school, but it felt good knowing that as a nine year old, I knew what I was talking about.)

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Dumb & Dumbar

| FL, USA | Learning | May 28, 2013

(I’m a substitute teacher for a first grade class. We are going over words with the “AR” sound.)

Me: “Okay, guys! What’s another word we can use with the ‘AR’ sound?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Come on! I know you guys have something! I tell you what, I’ll give you a hint. You all already know your letters and numbers and you’re really good at writing, so this class must be very…”

Student: “DUMBER!”

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