(I’m in advanced classes. My history teacher is intense about lectures but is actually a pretty awesome guy. This happens after a particularly stressful term.)

Me: “My therapist says I shouldn’t see you anymore.”

Teacher: “Why?”

Me: “Because you’ve caused too much added stress in my life.”

(The rest of the year the lessons are easier and we all think he’s planned the tough stuff to break us in and the rest of the year is supposed to be easier. At the end of the year all the advanced placement students and teachers get a banquet after the exam. My teacher is getting an award honoring his hard work and his students getting the highest scores. He also has to make a speech.)

Teacher: “Does your therapist still hate me?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t have a therapist.”

(The teacher gets called up for his speech.)

Teacher: “I’ll get to my speech in a minute, I just want to say that [My Name] told me that I caused her so much stress in the first term her therapist told her not to see me anymore. Well, I’ve just been informed that she hasn’t got a therapist. I spent the whole semester worrying about my lessons for nothing. I took it easy on them for fear of their mental health! Well played, [My Name]. Well played…”

(Our biology class is giving presentations on each part of the cell.)

Student: “We were assigned to present on the nucleus.” *advances slide* “The nucleus is separated from the rest of the cell by a semi-permeable membrane.” *advances slide* “The nucleus is composed of protons and neutrons and has a positive charge.” *advances slide* “The nucleus contains chromosomes, which store genetic information for the cell.”

(They got one more slide in about atomic nuclei before the teacher intervened and explained the difference.)

Teacher: “Has anyone been to Central Australia?”

(Silence.)

Teacher: “Anyone?”

(Trying to break the silence with some humour:)

Me: “I’ve been to Campbelltown.”

(Campbelltown is 50 minutes drive southwest of Sydney. There is a tiny bit of laughter, followed by more silence.)

Student: “… Um, where is Central Australia?”

(Long, long silence…)

Teacher: “Okay, moving on…”

(It’s the end of the day, and we’re having biology. Since it’s been a long day, no one is actually focused on working, so everyone is just talking to each other instead. In my boredom, I decide to imitate ‘Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time’s’ Kaepora Gaebora, an owl notorious for offering useless and obvious ‘help.’)

Me: *quoting a parody video* “Hoot, hoot! I’m Kaepora Gaebora, and I’m here to tell you things that you already know, or don’t care about!”

Classmate: “So, kinda like school?”

(In summers during college I work with kids at a summer day camp program. I have my eyebrow pierced.)

Kid: “Why do you have that thing in your eyebrow?”

Me: “It’s a decoration. You know how people have earrings? It’s like that, just in my eyebrow.”

Kid: *skeptical* “Really? I don’t think so.”

Me: “Yes, really.”

Kid: “No.”

Me: “You’re right. It’s not a decoration. I used to have a droopy eyebrow and this keeps it from falling down my face.”

Kid: “Oh! I hope I don’t get that…”