Learning The Hard Way

(I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

Driver: “Why not?”

Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

(She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

(She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)