Leaking Mortgage Payments Out The Butt

(I am currently going to school two hours away from where my husband lives. I go home on the weekends, and live away during the week. The weekend prior to this, one of our cats brought two dead mice into the house, which I threw away and cleaned up after. Two days prior to this, my husband, who fly fishes, got a mink tail from a friend who has a mink farm. Note: Our cats are not allowed on the kitchen counters.)

Husband: “I’ve got the mink tail on the kitchen counter, and [Male Cat] is being a d*** about it. He won’t stop sniffing at it, and won’t leave it alone. He won’t stay off the counters!”

Me: “He’s mad because you’re allowed to bring dead animals into the house, and he gets in trouble when he does it.”

Husband: “Well, when he starts paying the d*** mortgage, he can bring all the dead animals into the house that he pleases.”

Me: “Too bad we can’t pay the mortgage in ‘butt-hole licks.’ That’s about the only thing he’s good at.”

Husband: *laughs hard* “We’d be so rich if we could pay for things in ‘butt-hole licks.'”