From The Land Of “Buy-Milk” And Honey

(Since I work in a grocery store, my parents often text me while I’m working to pick up stuff. Since I am forgetful, I have gotten into the habit of writing what I need to bring home on my hand. Today, my mother has asked me to buy milk, so naturally, I have, “Buy milk,” written on the back of my hand. A customer comes to my till to pay for her groceries. While handing me her card she notices the writing on my hand. She jumps back and grabs her chest like she is having a heart attack.)

Customer: “You filthy devil worshipers think that it’s cool to put those tattoos all over your bodies?”

Me: “I don’t have any tattoos.”

(The customer grabs my arm and points to the “Buy milk” written on my hand. She holds my hand high for everyone to see.)

Customer: “Devil worshiper! Devil worshiper! Don’t shop here; they hire f****** devil worshipers!”

(Eventually I wrestle my arm free and manage to calm her down.)

Me: “It’s not a tattoo. Why would I get a tattoo that says, ‘Buy milk?’ I wrote it in pen so that I will remember to buy milk after my shift.”

Customer: *suddenly cheerful* “Oh, well, have a good day.”