Ladies Of The Night Incite Fright

(My girlfriend is incredibly possessive and insecure. I am out on my first night out with friends in months.)

Girlfriend: *through phone call* “Hey babes, are you coming over tonight?”

Me: “Well, we discussed this earlier. I’m not driving tonight and I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.”

Girlfriend: “What! Have you got some w**** to sleep with?! That’s why you won’t see me, isn’t it?!”

(This continues for another five minutes. My friends, who can hear her, are all wide eyed in shock. Eventually my best friend takes the phone from me.)

My Friend: “Look, shut up. This poor guy has to put up with you and your insecurities almost every day, and I can guarantee no one else would. He deserves a medal for staying with you this long! Now let the man enjoy what time he has with his friends in peace, or I’m going to buy him a hooker just to spite you.” *hangs up on her*