The Ladies Don’t Want You

, , , | Right | April 17, 2018

(I am a telemarketer for a lesser-known electric supply company. Contrary to popular belief, not all telemarketing is a scam, but people still feel the need to mess with the “a**holes” that call them, regardless of whether they actually deserve it or not.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name], calling on behalf of [Our Company] in regards to your [Customer’s Electric Company] electric bill. This is just a real quick call to let you know that you can save up to 15% on your monthly rate by choosing [Our Company] as your supplier. Now, I’m showing your service address here as [Address]; is that correct?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, great! Now, in order to make sure that your rate isn’t already lower than ours, all I need you to do is grab a copy of your electric bill, and I’m required to hold on the line while you grab one. Just let me know when you’re ready, okay?”

Customer: “Okay, could you give me a minute, though? I’m taking a wicked deuce right now.”

Me: *hiding my disgust* “That’s fine… Take as much time as you need.”

(The customer proceeds to make several loud groaning noises, and the sound of water-plopping can be heard periodically. I don’t know if he is faking being on the toilet, but he is clearly making it more obnoxious than necessary.)

Customer: “Woo! All right, now, what did you need?”

Me: “I need you to grab a copy of your electric bill so we can choose a supplier for you.”

Customer: “All right, got mine right here.”

Me: *ignoring the idea that was he able to obtain it so quickly* “For quality and control purposes, this call may be recorded. May I ask your zip code?”

Customer: *gives me a five-digit number that may or may not be his actual zip code*

Me: “Okay, now, if you look at the top of the bill’s front page, you should see your electric account number. Could you read that off for me, please?”

(It should be noted that an electric account number has nothing to do with a bank account, and giving it away or even making it public does not open you up to scams. The worst someone can do with it is get you a better rate or pay your bill for you. The customer gives me a multi-digit number that isn’t the correct length.)

Me: “Uh… Sir, I’m sorry, but your electric account number should be [number] digits in length.”

Customer: “Oh, my bad. It’s [completely different number of the correct length].”

Me: *after typing the numbers in* “Sir, I’m afraid the number you gave me doesn’t match. Could you read it back to me?”

Customer: “Doesn’t match? Wait, you guys are legit?!”

Me: “Yes. We would be asking for your bank information if we were scammers.”

Customer: “Aw, s***, dawg!”

Me: “So, could you give me your electric account number, then?”

Customer: “Hold on, man; I don’t actually have my bill. Let me just go grab one.”

Me: “Sure, take your time.” *after a while, he finally gets back on* “So, this is your [Customer’s Electric Company] electric bill, correct?”

Customer: “Actually, dude, would it be okay if I talked to a female? I work a lot better with the ladies.”

Me: “Uh, sure thing. Please hold.”

(I turn my mic off and ask my supervisor, who happens to be female, to take over, due to the customer’s request. As she speaks to him, she repeatedly cuts her sentences short, as though interrupted several times. Finally, she starts saying things like:)

Supervisor: “Sir, I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to me.”

(Silence…)

Supervisor: “Well, if your parole officer said you’re not allowed to talk to females, then I’ll have to hang up now. Bye.”

(After she hung up, we both agreed that he was just an a**hole and was probably never going to cooperate. I ended up dealing with far worse people in the coming days and ultimately left the company.)

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