Lacking Gin-telligence

I’m a waitress in a fancy country club. While the majority of the clientele are polite and respectful, there are always a few who think their wealth gives them permission to be jerks.

Customer: “You, girl, get me another gin and tonic!”

Me: “Sir, this will be your fourth spirit drink. I’m only allowed to serve it to you if you’re staying at the country club residences tonight.”

Customer: “Who the f*** are you to tell me what I can or cannot have! I make in a week what you make in a year!”

Me: “Blood alcohol levels don’t care how much money you have.”

Customer: “What the f*** did you say to me?!”

Me: “Sir, it’s club policy to limit hard liquor to three if we know a club member is driving.”

Customer: “Get me the manager. Right f****** now.”

I call the manager over, and he explains the club’s drinking and driving policy again. The club member seems to accept it when it’s coming from a middle-aged guy and not a twenty-year-old woman, but what’s new?

Customer: *Pointing at me.* “Fine, but I want her to apologize.”

Manager: “She was just upholding the club’s policy, sir.”

Customer: “She’s the help, so she needs to learn there are certain ways to talk to members! I expect an apology.”

My manager looks at me with a pained look. I subtly roll my eyes.

Me: “Sir, I apologize. You have become my benchmark of what to expect from a certain kind of club member, and I will ensure I remember that the next time you’re in the club.”

Customer: “Well, that’s more like it!” *Storms off.*

Manager: “Do you think he’ll realize what you actually meant when he’s driving home?”

Me: “Nah. Last summer, when he was bragging about how smart he is, I told him that he must have been at the top of the bell curve in college, and he said, “I was the toppest!””