Lack Of Computer Does Not Compute

, , , | Working | November 4, 2017

(I’m at home, and the phone rings.)

Caller: “Hello, this is Microsoft technical support. We have reports that your computer is infected with viruses and malware. Please follow my instructions so we can fix your computer.”

Me: “Strange, because I don’t have a computer.”

(I am between computers, having sold my laptop to help pay for a newer one.)

Caller: *pause* “But sir, how do you live?”

Me: *taken aback by the comment* “Much in the same way that people did for thousands of years before computers were invented.”

Caller: *longer pause* “Sir, if you do not cooperate, we will lock your computer so it cannot be used.”

Me: “Right, the computer I just told you I don’t have?”

Caller: “Yes, sir. You will no longer be able to use it.”

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