Knows How To Drive Them Away

, , , , | Working | March 30, 2018

(I’m on a bus late in the evening. It’s packed, but it gets worse when two young guys board who have obviously been drinking. They seem like trouble waiting to happen, but unless they actually break any laws, they can’t be kicked off. I’m hoping the bus driver will step in — the guys reek of booze and keep making loud, inappropriate jokes — but when the driver announces the next station, her voice sounds really timid and girly, so I expect that’s not going to happen. Then, somewhere along the route, there’s the sound of a glass bottle falling over. The driver’s voice comes back on the intercom, suddenly rather stern:)

Driver: “Guys, was that a beer bottle?”

Drunk Guy: “Haha, sure! Don’t worry; I just finished it!”

(Without further warning, the driver pulls the bus over to the side of the road and actually stops.)

Driver: *still over intercom* “Then I suggest you get off here. Alcohol is not permitted on the bus, so I guess you’re walking.”

Drunk Guy: “What? Are you crazy? You looking for a fight?”

(The other passengers, me included, haven’t said anything so far. At this announcement, though, I can see a few male passengers getting ready to intervene. Before anyone can actually step in, the driver opens the bus doors.)

Driver: “What if I am looking for a fight? Let’s settle this outside!”

(The two guys, too drunk to realize what she’s doing, actually get off the bus to wait for her outside, only to have her close the doors in their faces. We think that’s the end of it and I’m in awe of her genius move, when one of the guys kicks the bus door in frustration. The driver opens one of the doors again and is out of her seat in a second. We can all hear her from outside, yelling, and definitely nothing timid about her:)

Driver: “Yeah, that’s right! If you kick my bus one more time, I’ll kick you so hard you’ll cry for your mommy to save you, only she won’t, because she won’t be able to recognize you! Now run, little boy. That’s right. I knew you didn’t have the balls!”

(That five-foot-nothing bus driver gets two drunk guys to slink off in shame. They simply run away. The bus driver casually gets back on the bus, closes the door, and continues the route, while those passengers who were prepared to “save” her are left looking a bit sheepish.)

Driver: *again over intercom, now back to quiet timid girl voice* “Next stop is [Station]. And, uh, sorry for earlier. That’s usually not my style.”

(I sure hope it’s her style, and I really want to be her when I grow up!)

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