Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

| Right | May 15, 2014

(The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

Customer: “False advertising!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

Customer: “Watch!”

(She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*

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