Kissing Sex Goodbye

(It’s rare that my boyfriend talks in his sleep. This night, he opens his eyes and starts making kissing noises.)

Me: “Hun? What’s with all the kisses?”

Boyfriend: “Not Hun.”

Me: “[Boyfriend]?”

Boyfriend: “Nu-uh.”

Me: “Kisses?” *he nods* “Okay. Hello, Kisses.”

Boyfriend: “Woof!”

Me: “Umm… are you a dog now?” *he nods again* “If you’re a dog, then I can’t have sex with you ever again.”

Boyfriend: *rolls over, cheerful* “Okay, no more sex”

(45 minutes later he wakes up with no recollection whatsoever of the conversation. I’m happy to report that he is no longer a dog going by the name of Kisses.)