Kicking Up A Stink

(I work in a hotel. We get a call.)

Guest #1: *angrily* “Yes, hello? I thought that this was a non-smoking hotel.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Guest #1: “Then why do I smell smoke?!”

Me: “Pardon? In your room?”

Guest #1: “No, not in my room! It’s coming from the girls next door! I have asthma!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll send someone to investigate. I apologize.”

(I send a housekeeper to sniff around on the customer’s floor.)

Housekeeper: *returning* “There’s a strong smell of cigarettes in the hallway. It seems to be coming from [Room].”

Me: “Okay, thank you.” *calls up [Room]* “Hello. This is the front desk. There has been a complaint that your room smells of cigarettes. We are a non-smoking hotel and we will charge a fee if you do smoke in your room.”

Guest #2: “Excuse me?! We were not smoking in this room! We know that this is a non-smoking hotel and we would never smoke in here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I sent someone to investigate, and she says that she smelled it coming from your room.”

Guest #2: “Well, I don’t know how that would be! I am a smoker, yes, but I only do it in the designated places to smoke! What must’ve happened is that I went to smoke, and the smell blew back into my room, causing it to stink of cigarettes!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I’m trying to think of a nice way to say that this excuse is very unlikely.)

Guest #2: “Or, maybe it’s because on the car trip here, my friend and I were smoking very heavily in the car, and all of our bags absorbed the smell!”

(This is a better excuse, because even though I do not smoke, I have been around people who do, and I know the smell gets absorbed very quickly and lingers on everything.)

Me: “I see. Well, let me turn this over to the manager.”

(I got the manager, and the guest continued to insist that she and her friend did not smoke in her room. Meanwhile, I got three more calls complaining of the cigarette stench. After reviewing the security tapes, we saw that the girl and her friend weren’t smoking in her room, but in the HALLWAY outside the room, which is also not allowed. However, the girl and her friend put up such a “stink” that the manager caved and didn’t charge them. The housekeepers had to clean the hallway.)