Kernel Panic

(I’m working at my local electronics store as a technician. A customer in her mid-30s walks up with a laptop.)

Customer: “There’s something wrong with my laptop screen. It’s all screwed up!”

Me: “Screwed up like how? Can you please be more specific, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t know how to describe it. The picture’s all warped, and there are these funny multicolored lines on it.”

Me: “Well, let me take a look at it…”

(The customer sets the laptop on the counter and I turn it on. As soon as it turns on, it is obvious that the laptop screen is cracked.)

Me: “Wow! It looks like the screen has an internal crack in it. What happened? Did the laptop fall? Was it struck with something?”

(The customer looks at me sheepishly for a few moments, and then she responds.)

Customer: “Last night, I was online and I was eating pistachios. One of them had a really hard shell. So, I took the nut, set it on the laptop, and closed the lid on it so the shell would crack.”

Me: “You tried to crack open a nut with your laptop?!”

Customer: “Well, yeah. I didn’t think a pistachio would break my laptop!”

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